Valentines Day is tomorrow and I am waiting til the last minute as ussual to get something planned. And… as usual I am stressing a bit over it. You see, I have a huge salmon filet in the freezer and I have been mulling over my recipe books looking for something special to make. I thought about a seafood terrine with a spinach mouse. Sounds good to me, but will it translate well? If I make these items and put them in a crust, I should make a sauce to compliment it. How is that for a V-Day Dinner?!?!?!?!

Then there is the whole birthday thing this weekend. I wanted to make a pate along with his birthday cake. I expect to put a picture of the cake in the site after it is all done. Hell I still have not finished updating the Recipe section of the site! Well, I expect things this weekend will go well. At least I am hopeful of it.

I will have the standard party foods there for a birthday including chips, dips, nipplies, my secret deviled eggs, pate, maybe some caviar (I love caviar), and cocktails galore. I invited everyone I could think of from Adolfo’s life including his family and my family. I hope I get an army of people to show up… I also hope this goes off well! An added surprise is that we are going to see Chippendales after the party which is a gift from his co-workers! This should be a fun night… thank goodness Monday is a holiday.

Wish me luck….

Someone wrote me and said that it looked like Adolfo and I have a LOT OF problems. So much so that (based on this diary) that we would probably break up soon? Ironically, this last weekend we had the best weekend of just relaxing and having fun. Ya know… I write in my diary when I have something I need to relieve myself of. I let my brain piss all over the computer in a golden shower of thoughts… often if something is troubling my brain this is where it goes.

Adolfo and I have many many good times. Although, I admit that I am surprised this last weekend went as well as it did. We are going through a huge period of learning from from/about each other. We are essentially married and have a home together here. He takes care of me in many ways I like to think I take care of him as well.

Not that I am defending myself to some people, but the truth is we do pretty well with each other. Our home is a loving and welcoming place.

Adolfo and I have been fighting again. This started on Tuesday night which grew from a misunderstanding and exploded all over the wall last night when he ended up sleeping in the spare bedroom. I was so pissed off I did not mind him being gone at all. The question in the end was… did I have the right to be pissed off at him? I asked myself that and have been doing a lot of thinking about it today. I even drove around the city just to assemble my thoughts.

Another issue burning inside has been me has been Allan. He has not talked to me since almost a week now. I had some words with him last Friday about company finances and I ended up hanging up on him. Ergh… it makes me rethink the whole business thing with him. The thing is he and I have developed this freindship which has a layer at business over it and it would seem the two need to be separated. How do you devide the last 1.5 years of building a business versus 3 years of a freindship?

Well… Allan need to do something. I wonder if he is still reading this? He has managed to alienate me and he is working on alienating other people in his life. Not to be judgemental or to turn into a Jewish Mother or anything, but this is a man who needs a good smack. I care about him a lot as he has managed to crawl into my life and take root! I think the trip to NYC in June 2001 was the time we traveled together and made the freindship.

Anyway… I find myself rethinking Las Vegas a lot. I am also thinking a lot about where I would go given the chance. I think about Boston and I think about Seattle. Did Boston and Boston has a lot of ghosts I may not want to run into again. Jinkies! The pacific northwest seems to hold a lot more interesting possibilities. Hmmm…

February has been okay. I am a little stressed as we are a little short on the rent this month, but both get paid this week… so hopefull the check I gave them today will not clear until Thursday at the earliest. Argh! Besides that, I am worried about my school payment, Valentines Day, Adolfo’s birthday… not to mention our 1 year anniversary coming up soon.

So, I am planning something relatively simple for V-Day and a special party for him on his birthday. It should be cool! I plan on cooking everything, now it’s also a matter of getting HIM away for the day.

Anyway…. this month will be financially better than last month, but the school payment is going to be a real bitch. It’s 600$ … Cheers

Adolfo was supposed to be leaving early this morning … even before I woke up … but he stayed here and made breakfast this morning. It was terrible, but edible. He di dnot make his special egg dish that I like, but whatever… ya know. Tonight, the new web pages should be uploaded and I will send out an e-mail to freinds and family letting them know what I done did…

I am distressed over $ again. There always seems to be a shortage lately and that sucks. We pay rent today and I have to wonder if there is enough cash for that to happen???? Not to mention all the other bills demanding some cash! Argh! School! Argh!

Working on the web site has allowed meto reflect a little. I had a page for my ex-Brian in Boston because we spent much of a year in a loving, passionate relationship. It is unfortunate he and I never were able to take it to the next level. He had a freind named Victor that was constantly undermining the relationship… but Brian could never see that. Yes, I reflected on him quite a bit, too. I was obsessed with him for more than 2 years after our break up because I was sure we would end up together again.

Which brings up another very important subject. Adolfo and I have been doing well. We have not had the problems as we have in the past. I think we are maturing together here. Well, we have been watching this Gay Marrige marathon on Bravo and then we saw Bridezilla’s which got us thinking about OUR future together. When I see this, I got upset because I cannot imagine being able to pay to have a proper ceramony.

It goes back to money. I got him a diamond ring through some major finangling and a little “slight of hand”. Long story… but thank to help from a friend I was able to get him a ring which bound us together more strongly and through we may take the next leap… when, how, oi vay.

I still dream of owning my own home. But where? Here in Las Vegas? How? My credit sucks… Adolfo’s is not sterling either. Will I ever hit the success point I have expected to? Have I made a mistake by going to school right now? Ergh!

On Thursdays I get to sleep in late and catch up from Monday thru Wednesday. I am glad I have this day to do that, ya know. I got home late last night and Adolfo as already in bed. So, I was unable to pick him up from work (his 2nd job) at the Venetian. I felt bad, but he was cool and sweet and undersood.

I also went out for a run last night in a new direction. I have been running (in the past) up Hacienda in the western direction and I hated it because the roads are dark and desolate. Using that direction, I would loop it out to Tropicana and come back home that way. Well… I ran east on Hacienda into a whole other residential area and there are some nice homes out there. I was like… “wow”.

Furthermore, I spent too much time working on the new website design last night and getting the new pages up and running. I have to learn to be patient, because it is not often I get a design that I enjoy and want to keep. The last one (if you’re looking at it today this is the one I am referring to) was really nice but was missing that- someting.

I will work on it a little while more today before I head off to Sur La Table. I have Regis&Kelly playing in the background, The View will be on soon, and then it’s a crap shoot. This is my morning home.

I do not have any other angsts to project through this site. Enjoy and the new pages are cuming soon!

All is well… Adolfo and I have been doing well with the exception of last Sunday. My last diary entry was ACTUALLY written on Saturday night after midnight, so it looks like I wrote it on Sunday. Well, all day Sunday Adolfo and I were not talking. I was so mad at hime. SO mad… I do not always understand WHY I feel so much anger toward him when I get like that, but it is all internal to myself. Besides, it’s all his fault.

The new page designs are coming along slowly here for my personal site. Hopefully they will generate some new interest in getting people to visit more in the future. I ahve not checked to see what my HITS have been in quite a while.

Anyway, school is going well and I am working hard on improving my grade, though I am not sure it matters how hard I am working at it. I do not think the 2 women teaching right now really appreciate my effort. Though, there are a hell of a lot of people in this class right now. I am in the middle of baking and pastry classes and I feel I am doing well… but only God knows. I need to improve my GPA.

Good night ya’ll.

More days pass… at least I am getting some sentries in. I am trying to use this diary as a means of setting things inside myself to the outside of myself. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not. I write in it like I am trying to keep my thoughts in an understandible format. People have complained that I tend to be scattered (in the past).

Adolfo and I have been doing very well since my last entry. Today, though, we ended the evening with a misunderstanding. I encouraged him to go out and party with some of his friends and this way I could have some time alone and he could let loose a little. They were supposed to be going to Ikon and Gypsy… I think. I admit… I have this secret desire that he will bring someone back and we will have a wicked little party… like that would ever happen. DON’T GET ME WRONG… our sex has been awesome.

Money is still tight here and as rent time gets closer I am getting more and more stressed. I am not making money like I have in the past and I am getting a little worried. I get paranoid, but somehow I manage to get through. I am also starting to look for some new work, too. As much as I like SOME of the people I work with at Sur La Table I am not making the ducketts that daddy needs to make. If ya know what I mean!

I am also itching to travel very badly! urgh…. talk tomorrow maybe baby’s!

We made up yesterday afternoon… but I got mad at him again this morning and it only served to cause more tension between us. We will be fine eventually. Adolfo and I had Choclolate French Toast for breakfast using a choclate sauce that I amde from scratch.

I have a brisket marinating for dinner tonight. I also have turnip, carrots, and maybe some potatos or something???? I bought some nice pears and star fruit I want to make a desert with. I am thinking about baking the pear and garnishing it with the star fruit. Then using a caramel sauce to finish it???? What do you think?

I am hoping we will see a movie today. But, I have to have time to study as well. I need to prepare for school Monday. Yipee!

Talk soon!

Not much has been happening since I posted last. Been taking care of some business with my company and am trying to get the engine moving again there.

Adolfo and I have been doing qquite well. However, since last night we have been fighting over something kinda stupid. He said I was rude to some people whom I barely even saw and I really feel offended by that. The details would all be from my point of view, but basically there was a group of people walking along and he was trying to show me something in a shop window and I commented “these people are in the way”… the inflection of my voice was really innocent. He would have shoved me into them… but I did not even look at them except briefly in passing.

It’s turned into a silly, stupid mess. He walked out of the apartment and frankly I could care less. I made a nice breakfast this morning and he could not be bothered… fuck it! I am not going to drive myself insane over him. He owes me an apology, but cannot see it himself.

It will blow over. Whatever…

I spoke to Ian last night on-line. He is such a sexy man!!!!! He lives up in Buffolo NY… or is that Rochester? Hell, I forget. Anyway, he is a sexy man up there I could totally get into. We met in NYC back in 2000 when I was there on business. He made a mold of his huge, fat cock and made a dildo out of it. I want to get ahold it it badly!!!! Ha ha ha

Speaking of sexy men from NY… I have not talked to Chippie in a few days either. I shoud IM on Monday….

Wish me luck! xoxo Scott