In my downtime

As usual how I chose to spend my downtime seems to be with a focus on my projects. Downtime is relative now, because I am unemployed as of Thursday. I left my job to make this move to Las Vegas. Alas…

I am still working on my books series for Eldritch and I will say that I keep running into some huge disappointments. I paid close to three thousand dollars or more on editors and am realizing I have been seriously let down. The last Editor might have been just as worthless as the first. Yes, they both helped me on some levels, but I had hoped that through this process I would have a refined book that an agent might see and say – I need to have that. 

No. Not at all. My ego would not see that it was money thrown into a shredder. I have been working on these three books for ten years and am confident I have a good story, but it needs a lot of love and attention. Maybe with details I am not great at seeing. 

I finished the 2nd draft of book 3 this week. Megan is going through Book 2 and making notes for me right now. So, I am going back into Book 1 and touching up details in smaller bites so that I am focused on the path through the landscape in order to fine tune details with things that happen much later in the story. One of these days I will get someone to publish it or do it myself. If I don’t drop dead first… 

January Update

Packing to move

When you are moving you become uncommonly aware of all the crap you have accumulated in your life to this point. In this case, there are two of us and we are mostly handling our own things. So, I am being forced to realize how much crap I actually have to deal with. How much STUFF I have been toting around and never looked at since it landed in that box ten, even fifteen, years ago. 

When I left Las Vegas in 2011, I filled a dumpster with stuff that I discarded and regretted leaving behind. It was really hard to have walked away from some of that stuff. But, stuff is just stuff. My ex and I managed to collect so much. I managed to just keep so much stuff, I promised to clean house when I start unpacking. 

Stay tuned for details. Not that anyone is reading this silly blog. But I guess it gives me a place to ramble on. 

Announcement: We are moving to Las Vegas as Homeowners!!!

This has been in the works since March, but we bought a lovely house in Las Vegas and will be moving there in the month of May to start our new life. I am glad to be going back and reconnecting with a lot of old friends and be a part of a network of friends that I have sorely missed. While I know a lot of people there, my partner is not as familiar with people. But, we are luck to have some good friends close by. Right around the corner, another couple we know really well and love, live as our new neighbors. 

This year has been a huge change for me and I am hoping it is a solid direction for what is left of my time on this planet. We got married on February 6th as part of this process to get this house and really start building this life as we want. Since we inche toward the final steps of this process I have been furnishing and planning everything in my head. It’s gunna look way cute if I can get it out of my head and in the house. 

The furniture shown in these images from Zillow are all staged in the strangest ways. I have some ideas for the house and a lot of things I want to make happen for it while we live there. Time for our next 5 year plan.

When we got married it was part of this decision. This process started around the end of January and has taken this long to close. We signed the final papers this morning and submitted closing costs and will have keys this week.

The fact today is May Day is even more special, because it is a day for new beginnings. It’s a day for reflection, memories, and taking bold new steps in life. So glad. So grateful.

The Cart before the Horse

My mode of operation (the olde M.O.) is usually to put the cart before the horse as demonstrated below. We started the process of buying a house a few weeks ago at this point and since then I have already shopped all the furniture, placemats for the table, the two dogs I plan on getting, and today I purchased a security system for it. I mean, the paperwork is not signed until the end of this week. 

I am excited and anticipating when I can tell the world about the amazing changes coming into our lives. This year has been pretty stellar and it has to be said, that it is a huge leap from some pretty traumatic years in the past. For example, 2018 was a year of breaking down and just breaking. 2019 was a step higher, but really was tough, but ended well. And it’s only been getting better since. Not sure I need to talk about those years on this post. I will see what the history says. Maybe I will write about it in another post. 

So, now we think about the move. The new stress ball in  my life, picking up one household and moving it to another. A bigger, giant wooly mammoth in the desert. It is a place to create and grow in new ways. That is really what this year has been!

This is the Year of the Steele Rabbit. When I read about the year, it is a year of growth and wealth. Next year is the Year of the Wood Dragon, which is my year. It should be a very successful year for me. And for those of you who poo poo astrology, you’re wrong. It’s up to you to see how it all links together and tough-noogies if you can’t be bothered. 

Anyway, I will share the new information when all the ink is dry. 

Buying a House

We have been working this year on a lot of things to set our future together. Getting married was just a step that was good for a variety of reasons. It has made us stronger together. It has created a new way of looking at what were doing and cementing in the thing that we are in this whole thing together. 

The process has been surprisingly easy, with the folks who re working our financing. My realtor has also been good to work with and I appreciate him a lot. Things feel scary as we have been investing in the idea of moving. It is right around the corner for dear friends. It is in a community I have missed so much. 

The levels of stress this week have also been super insane. Ugh. My brain hurts.

Got Murried

I just noticed that the last post I made was Feb 1st, but considering CMonster/Waffle and I got married on Feb. 6th there seems to be a missed opportunity there. AND, since then we went on a wirlwind vacation to Europe and put the pics from all that over on the Gallery Section. Anyway, the wedding was at Oakland City Hall and keeping it simple was the right thing to do. My sister Christine and niece Lacey were both there to make the day extra special. 

Waffle (as he prefers to be known these days) took a while to get there, but getting married was part of setting up our future and in line with future plans we had. So much has happened this year! So much seems to be changing. I am very excited and scared for the evolution headed my way this year. 

I will try and share more. Journaling is really good for me. I have been writing in a hand written journal for therapeutical reasons, but there is a lot I could be sharing here. 


Updating some of the Galleries

To note >>> over there at the edge of this thing, I might have commented about the galleries being faulty and stop working. It took the NextGen people a long time to fix it, but that goodness until it is broke again. Wah wah. 

Anyhoo, since I just added pics from our New York trip from a while back I left out the story about this Korean pop-up we went to. It was getting a lot of buzz and Waffles was dead set to have it. It was a fixed menu served in courses and solid proof that people are just too desperate for something cool and this was far from it. It was pretentious to the hilt. Like, way overhyped and way not great. Here are my pics of each dish. Because I did that. 

This was an appetizer that started off the whole thing. It was just a sign of what was to come… ha ha aha ha

Writer Update

I am so blessed that my latest editor got me back my book completed with all copyediting and proofreading. His comments were inspiring and I made sure I thanked him in the acknowledgements of the book. I also wrote a new synopsis that rocks and James (the Editor) gave me some excelled feedback on it and as of last night I reached out to 2 literary agents hoping to start marking my road forward. 

The book is called ELDRITCH: Tale of the Four Winds. I completed writing the full trilogy this last week. Book Two is done. Book Three is in first draft. My goal was to be able to put a pen cap on the series, but in truth I have 2 more book ideas from it that can go somewhere someday.

One is short stories based on the trilogy. Because there are all kinds of side stories and character histories worth exploring. 

One is a time jump to the future and see what happens fifty or a hundred years later. 

The story arch is amazing. I may put out more on this, but for now I am sticking with this. I put some bits here in my creativity section. Check it out if you like.

Over time I hired 3 editors. One flaked on me half way through the project, but he still gave me some valuable help. I paid him for this time, but I learned to check on people more in the future. The second editor was all about story and flow. A paid reader as it were who gave me suggestions for flow. And lastly, James, a star in heaven who was tough and gave me the feedback I needed and did an amazing job at copywriting and editing. I am thrilled. 

And one more thing. I came across this entry from 2013 when I first started to pen this project and am stunned how far it came along. Sunned! 


Started working on the Music Section today and made a decent first dent. It’s coming to light I am taking too much on again and the music page is going to evolve over time. Of course there will be lots of links in there, but time will tell.

I went out on Saturday night and over-did it. Then I had to go to work for an OT day on Sunday and and suffered… like suffered. Still not 1–%, but that could be other things too. Ugh, dieting. Ugh, the fucking holidays. Ugh, working on the non-profit. Ugh, lots of Ughs.

Anyway, this is just a short groan session. Toodles.

Something different – Happy Thanksgiving

I started a new med for depression and anxiety and my world has really changed. I am feeing much more balanced and much like my old self. If you only knew me well enough to see what that change was like, but I was not in a good place for a long while. I think many of my posts over recent years has really shown that. 

This week was something special for me too. Last week my partner (aka Waffles) went to L.A. for a few days and a good friend of mine stayed here and we spent a lot of time together. I got to decompress in ways I did not know I needed. Having Matt here was refreshing and made me feel appreciated. I also got some time to reflect on myself and realize some things about myself and about Waffles. 

There have been some things that have been rising to the surface and seeing them through Matt’s eyes was a bit of an eye opener. In some ways the break, and having someone else around, was a revelation. There are things about my Waffles that I thought I saw, but was not sure of. And being aware, I feel safer and better for it. 

I might be less crazy than I thought. I might have less shame about myself than I thought. I care more, but I am more empathetic to the world around me. If this sounds like riddles, then so be it. But, my world had brightened and I am very grateful for it.