Author Archive: scott.kay

Fundraising Campaign

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Heya! It’s time for me to put it out there and see if I can get backers for this book I want to self publish. Since I last made an attempt, I went into a deep dive for a bit more work on it. 12 (Twelve) years later it’s time.

I started writing a book based on Fantasy/Sci Fi ideas and as of today have completed a trilogy. Book One is ready to go to press and I am reaching out to people I know to help me achieve publication by raising at least $3k and will publish using BookBaby.Com effectively self-publishing and will get a lot of resources for that money by using this company.
Venmo: @iamscottkay

ELDRITCH CRUSADE
Tale of the Four Winds

This is an adventure in the modern world we live in with supernatural creatures that live in it from monsters, angels, and creatures of ancient origin. Our featured character is a college age member of a lost branch to a family tree of ancient witches whose powers are descended in a powerful bloodline. With the support of a chosen family that include a necromancer, vampire, and a Nephilim, the young witch grows and develops into a strong individual.

The dynamics of family, chosen and born, play out heavily for a young person who lost their close relations as a kid and finds bonds in surprising places. This is a story of adventure and figuring out self, standing against the odds of a powerful anti-hero, but also the trials of adulthood.

Of course there are elements of horror with creatures like these. This story is a steady upward climb of individual triumph and development. The lead character goes from never having been aware of mythical creatures to being a part of that culture.

In the first book you will meet: Nephilim | Angels | Vampires | Gargoyles | Zombies | Lycans | and a Pookah. Oh and witches and Djinn. Whaaat?

Want to learn more about it” Check out this link: https://www.iamscottkay.com/category/eldritchtv/
How to donate: Venmo: @iamscottkay

I’m not doing one of the fundraising sites this time because it is just a share of the money I don’t want to give away. And I don; want to have to wait thirty days and so forth.
What does this money do?

  • I will get immediate publication on Amazon.Com digitally and an ISBN
  • Print on demand access for stores all around the world and an ISBN
  • Promotional and Advertising through Book Baby (Of course I will do my own, too)
  • Copyright
  • More details: https://www.bookbaby.com/…/complete-self-publishing…

I am also open to a loan. I stand to do okay on this book and it is my challenge to get this book out there and sell it in order to make a path ahead for the next two books which are already written. I invested $4k into editors and that went on CCs, so the following year after that I bought a house and there went all my cash and credit. I’m just not willing to get more revolving debt. Hit me up with questions.

I want to thank you for my first donation, getting me on the road anyway. As time progresses if this is successful I will def thank everyone involved in my appreciation in the book. Asking people for money to support my art is not such a strange thing in the world, but I am also realizing it feels very uncomfortable. We have asked for donations in the past for art projects, theme camps, and other burning man things, but this time the work is done and ready to meet the world. It feels like, and it is, asking for a handout. There is a chance this could start a new and potent direction for me that I always thought was in the cards for my future. Thank you for being a part of that.

Eldritch Crusade

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Book 1: I took in a lot of feedback and went into a deep dive with an edit that allowed me to collapse some superfluous story strings and clear up some things that were not needed for the content. I have worked on Book 1 so much that I know the whole thing almost by memory. Crazy, right. Well, I couldn’t quote the whole book but as I write I don’t need to reference the original material a whole lot. It also give me a chance to add subtle details that sharpen the focus and give a sense of foreshadowing and story line support. 

Now I am working on a new campaign to help get this thing published. I am so close now. But, what if this book is not seen? I am convinced I have an excellent story here. But, there is always room for improvement. I think I have finally reached the place I need to be in with this. Check this out. 

DRAFT – – – – – – start – – – – – – 

Fundraising Campaign

I started writing a book based on Fantasy/Sci Fi ideas about twelve years ago and as of today have completed a trilogy. Book One is ready to go to press and I am reaching out to people I know to help me achieve publication by raising at least $3k and will publish using BookBaby.Com effectively self-publishing and will get a lot of resources for that money by using this company. 

Venmo: @iamscottkay  

ELDRITCH CRUSADE

Tale of the Four Winds

This is an adventure in the modern world we live in with supernatural creatures that live in it from monsters, angels, and creatures of ancient origin. Our featured character is a college age member of a lost branch to a family tree of ancient witches whose powers are descended in a powerful bloodline. With the support of a chosen family that include a necromancer, vampire, and a Nephilim, the young witch grows and develops into a strong individual.

The dynamics of family, chosen and born, play out heavily for a young person who lost their close relations as a kid and finds bonds in surprising places. This is a story of adventure and figuring out self, standing against the odds of a powerful anti-hero, but also the trials of becoming an adult. 

Of course there are elements of horror with creatures like these. This story is a steady upward climb of individual triumph and development. The lead character goes from never having been aware of mythical creatures to being a part of that culture. 

Want to learn more about it” Check out this link: https://www.iamscottkay.com/category/eldritchtv/

How to donate: Venmo: @iamscottkay  

I’m not doing one of the fundraising sites this time because it is just a share of the money I don’t want to give away. 

What does this money do?

I will get immediate publication on Amazon.Com digitally and an ISBN

  • Print on demand access for stores all around the world and an ISBN
  • Promotional and Advertising through Book Baby (Of course I will do my own, too)
  • Copyright

More details: https://www.bookbaby.com/book-printing/complete-self-publishing-package

 

Introverted?

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When I moved back to Las Vegas, I thought I would be able to get right back into the flow of some things with the people I felt deeply connected to here who were a part of my original burner community. Because I have no time for social stuff, I blamed that for not being able to connect. It almost feels like that is an excuse I told myself. In fact, it also feels like the community moved on without me and my motivations are different. It feels like I am an outsider. 

It’s my own fault, because I have different priorities these days. I put those priorities into my new house, marriage, dog, and my aspirations to publish my book. On all those points, I have put all those things over my need to be social.

My writing get a priority because I feel like I am so close to having these books published. But, I might be chasing a dragon on this one. I am having a lot of self-doubts. I always seem to get close and not get there. 

I connected with my psychiatrist last week and he mentioned something that is still in my head, about me being an introvert. I have always considered myself to be an introverted/extrovert, but it feels like that scale is sliding. It definitely is because of those previously mentioned priorities. I wonder if I keep filling the wrong bucket because my people meter keeps washing out on me.  I deeply feel like I need a better balance. 

Recently a friend of mine sent me a kit for a “Clearing Kit”, which is magic. Literally, a magic kit for clearing the obstacles in your life. I am a bit afraid to use it because I can see how one of those obstacles could definitely be my marriage. So, I have to ask myself, what are the priorities I want for the future. I know I want the books published and I want to write new things. I want to write full time. I want to travel. I want to cook. I want to be with friends. 

My job is okay. I like what I do. It’s chaos defined. It gives me little room to take care of myself. Where do I go with that? <<me questions, not a you question. 

But I want to be with my friends and I want to go on adventures but I am still stuck. I miss and love so many of the people I have met in my life, but am having trouble connecting. 

Sigh.

22 Years of history here

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It all started off on blogger… idk if it is still there? I did check and see I still have a profile there, but as of this morning it had not been updated since I lived in Las Vegas before 13 years ago.

What a trip. 22 YEARS of verbal diarrhea on this site alone. Migrated from blogger, queerburners, urielsjournal, and there might have been another. Thank you internet. 

I noticed in the posts I migrated over that there is a lot of links, pics and title missing off of each post. Should I take the time to update those? Ugh, I hate uncategorized shitake. Looks so sloppy. 

Just felt like making a quick post before I leave for work. Ugh… gotta go. Talk soon. 

Update: Eldritch

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I am writing about my writing again. A few months ago I tried to raise some money to get my book published, but the universe said “no”. Which is fine, maybe it is not my time yet. But, then again, maybe I needed to put some more work in what I wrote. I knew there were some details in the story arch as well as some feedback I got from editors I needed to address, and I think I am.

I did not create this image. I found it randomly on a google search. “Nephilim”

As of today, I am halfway through a re-write I started in December or November. I am simultaneously putting it into a screen-play format on a 10 episode arch. Doing it this way has allowed me to finetune and focus. It has also allowed me to use tidbits from the next two books that are relevant to this part of the story. Essentially I am installing some Easter Eggs that have more meaning later on and help move the story forward. Also, taking out some of the garbage that did not need to be there. 

I see that things I write as if a movie is playing in my head anyway, which makes writing kinda cool because I get to apply those images into a story as if it already existed. 

The story is good, but it needs another editor and then can publish. I cannot afford to pay another editor out of pocket… so we will see. I think I really, really have it this time. 

Happy New Year – NSFW

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Happy 2024! I just turned 59 last week and am thinking about a lot of things around my life. Next year’s birthday is among them, to include turning 60. Apparently 60 is when life either goes down hill or when things really start to blossom. Here’s to an optimistic outlook and hopefully the accomplishment of many goals so set the stage for my next phase of life.  I have absolutely no retirement and if things do not improve there is a chance I could be working until I am dead. If I am working I hope it is doing something I want. 

2023

  • goal of getting my book published #EldridgeTV has not yet come to fruition, but I jumped on it and started doing a complete re-write using some feedback I got that was useful. It came from several resources and as much as I loved my story, I could see where is needed a bit more focus. It’s taking a bit longer than I planned, but hopefully it will be worth it. 
  • healthy living took the stage, for my mental health and my physical health. Both need work and I am hoping that in 2024 I can start something with a plan to get to where I want. More on that later. 
  • job, relationships, dog: all going in the right direction but need help. Taking care of myself and being there for others is not an easy balance. 

2024

NSFW Edited

Me on January 1, 2024 to see what I really look like. The mirror lies. My brain lies.

  • I need to lose weight and get into better shape. Not interested in muscle of looking like a super-model, but have to get a realistic idea of self. So, I took some pictures to see myself as I am today. 
  • Get the book published and finish the screen play version before March.
  • Do better with people who are my friends. Edit out the people who are not participating. Embrace those who are.

It’s been so hard to get moving in the right direction, but I have worked very hard on myself over the years. I am still far from perfect. I am a product of my life’s experiences, so if that is messy then that is just the way it is. I do not think I am messy, just a little stained. 

So where do I go from here? 

I have a lot of ideas. It will take time. 

Thanks for checking this out. 

 

Poor Little White Girl! Er, CIS white male whining

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It feels wrong to complain about a life that is so blessed. Each time I look at Facebook and want to whine about a miserable moment, I cannot help but think of the myriad of people out there who have real suffering. So, talking about my suffering seems moot. 

Well, that is why I have my own blog site, right? I can moan and whine and wheedle and vomit anything I want because really no one is reading any of this to begin with. 

Anxiety

My biggest problem right now is Anxiety. I have a lot of tools in my bag to deal with this shitty thing, but the one place I cannot fight it is when I am sleeping. My whole night is filled with dreams that produce huge levels of internal anxiety. Damn, stupid dreams with drops of reality to make it that awful. Waking me up abruptly in the middle of the night. Like full sitting up and having to start over with sleep almost every night. 

My social anxiety has actually been a lot more reduced since moving to Las Vegas. Life here has been more relaxed in a lot of ways and having a house, multiple responsibilities around a house with my name on it, and this dumb dog. 

I have a new psychiatrist as of yesterday who wants me to start a new medication that specifically targets Anxiety. How could I say no? And, I can just stop taking it if it does snarly things. I asked him if this will effect my dreams. He said it was unlikely. So, we’ll see. 

Buspirone is primarily used to treat generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). It is an FDA-approved medicine for managing anxiety disorders or the short-term relief of anxiety symptoms. Off-labeled buspirone is used for the augmentation of unipolar depression.

Pain

I am literally in pain every day. Like fucking pain. This plays on the brain, the body, the mental well-being. 

My biggest issue is my back, L3 to L5 usually with some issues that are still in debate. I am going in for an MRI this week after waiting for almost two months to get in at the V.A.. 

Next is my feet. OMFG why was I issued these shitty feet…. actually this has been a problem over the last decade. I have to be careful what shoes I buy and what I wear. I started back to work a month ago and was wearing my clogs (which was murder). I switched out to Birkenstocks and it is a lot better. 

Getting out of bed every single day requires a warm up to moving around. The back and the joints are telling me to fuck off. Feet, hips and back. Add to this a weird numbing of my hands and arms because of the position of my shoulders. 

Oh, and my left knee. My tibia keeps shifting out of place and there is arthritis in the same knee. Wearing a knee brace to work everyday has helped a lot!

Bed Time is Hell

So, that’s my truth. It’s been going on for a few years and as much as it is debilitating it cannot be. I can barely bend over most days and dropping something on the ground to pick up is absolute hell. At work, I have to be very careful, but I often have to do things that will result in severe pain in the following few days. I bring a handful of painkillers with me all the time and hope they work. Sigh.

PTSD

This part of me has been getting the most therapy over the last couple of years. It is a result of sexual assault and childhood trauma. In 2008 I was held down and forced into a situation that opened up a lot of worms from my life of past sexual abuse that snowballed until the PTSD was diagnosed in/about 2019. What a journey.

Mental Health Journey

This has been a long road and the result for me has been monumental… emphasis on Mental. I see mental health issues routinely being used in blanket terms in media and it is maddening. And the lack of awareness of officials and law enforcement is really harmful. 

Take care of yourself and get toxic people out of your life. 

Just taking a moment

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There is a lot coming this week with life changes. I am starting a new job, Waffle is finally moving here 100%, and he is also starting his new job. We now need a 2nd car. No one jumped in to help finance the publication of my book. Mental health stuff is taking a new form, having gone through so much to get to a better place. So much.

The original plan was that Waffle was going to move here on August 1st and life would continue from there. It took a lot longer for me to find a job, which was unexpected. It is my own fault because I could have been more proactive and realistic about what I was going to do. I told myself that cooking was going to be my last choice, but I just needed to earn a living and I can cook with one arm behind my back. So, I am going into Hot Kitchen Banquets at one of the bog hotels in the area starting in two days. 

Waffle moving here will be amazing. We have been apart for the better of three months. While in transition, I put a lot of work and effort into this house. I want to make this a home and a place we can host guests and friends. Waffle is not in the same mindset as me, but I like having people over. 

I wasted so much money in my efforts for this house. I would estimate I burned through at least $3k on stupid shit. Worse was the plants I bought for my garden area (backyard) because everything died except 3 plants. And now I want to dig in and do more. But, in a more thoughtful way. So we will see when I can afford that. One of the things I want is a lot of green in the backyard. 

My book fundraising venture seems to have gone off in flames. It’s not a lot of money, but it is more than what I have right now. There are higher priorities with my own money so this venture will have to wait until next year. My only mission right now is to pay credit cards and save some money. 

And my mental shit has been a lot better. This has been a hell of a journey and I think I might write it all down one of these days. 

Brain dump complete. 

Eldritch: What defines family?

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I think that one of the things about these stories is the balance between chosen and biological families. As young people come into the world on their own, like Joshua and Caleb, depicted in the ELDRITCH Tales, there is a community that builds with people we feel safe with and might have life long lasting relationships. That, in itself, can become a whirlwind while a young adult tries to figure out the depths and turns of interpersonal relationships and how far they can stretch. 

ELDRITCH: TALE OF THE FOUR WINDS

To help finance and get this book into stores around the world with my self publishing mission click here

Joshua Sean Daugherty

Biologically speaking, Joshua comes from a very dysfunctional space. This is how the book starts off. He basically lost both his parents, but is taken in by a family friend. While Book 1 and 2 dive into the relationship somewhat, it has a tremendous impact on Joshua. Meanwhile, Caleb had a similar origin as well, but dealt with it in a very different vein. Biological relationships are tricky, scary, and are sometimes uncertain. Friends and people surviving beside you make amazing allies.

Caleb Obidemi

Chosen family, like friends from school, or maybe your neighbors, exist in the flow of your life and have to be people you can trust because so much relies on your own personal safety around them. Joshua and Caleb are healthy young men finding their place in the world and become extremely close. Their friendship is platonic and supportive, without the unnecessary intimacy of physicality. It does come into question at a certain point, as Joshua is discovering who he is in his life as a young man. For Caleb, it is never a question, because he has a better sense of self that Joshua is still exploring. 

As the author of this story, part of my background is that I came from a horribly dysfunctional set of parents and a childhood where my memories of my biological family were very dark. I think this reflects in the book, especially in Joshua’s relationship with his dad, who is released from prison near the beginning of the story. Paternal figures here seem to take quite a beating, but that is often the nature of a father-son relationship in my opinion. 

And sexuality really has nothing to do with the story, but I keep in mind that Joshua would probably identify as either asexual or even pansexual. Which means he is not really sex-driven, but more of a romantic mindset. And, he seems to really gravitate toward people he trusts. Coming from his background where his parental relationships were so unreliable it is understandable. His friendships and that trusted circle is the most important thing in the world to him. 

Joshua has to start is biological family relationships all over, including his dad’s reemergence, and meeting surprising relatives that he intersects with in very unsettling ways. He really grows through the three books. 

Raising Money to publish: ELDRITCH Book

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My name is Scott Kraske, but I go by Scott Kay, and I have been writing most of my life. ELDRITCH: Tale of the Four Winds is the first book that I have taken to a fully finished place and is ready to go to print. This is more than 10 years of work with a fully fleshed-out idea ready to be shared with the world.

It’s funny how much of my story went into this take on the lives of some amazing characters like these. In this first book, we meet Joshua and Caleb who are in their last year of college and discovering amazing things about themselves and the world they lived in. Imagine, being in a world where monsters and ancient beings coexist.

Business

I have found a partner in Bok Baby (bookbaby.com) to get my book into a downloadable digital format and a Print On Demand format that can be accessed by bookstores all over the world both retail and wholesale.

$3000.00 sees me setup with Book Baby and start getting my book out on the first level.
> I get 100 printed books for use in promoting the book
> Starts getting the book into a system to get them into stores
$1000.00 goes to my own marketing and promotions for books sales
This does not include the debt I took on to hire three editors through Reedsy. I would like to pay those off because they are on credit cards. I am willing to do what I can to make this work successful.