eBay Now

I decided to post a recent sewing project on eBay to see if I could manage to sell it. It was a piece I had in mind for a while and added fur sleeves and other fur parts to it to make something really cool looking.

The listing can be discovered [here]

What just happen????

This is actually part 2 of a story… or shall I say the non-readers digest version. I posted a very clean version of this tale on www.gayburners.com choosing to leave off many of the details because it was just too bizarre.

Castro Street Fair

Distinguished Gay Men LogoIt all started at the Castro Street Fair when I was approached by two nice guys because I was a single guy. The told me about matchmaker wonder Susan Adams of www.distinguishedgaymen.com and how I absolutely had to meet her. Indeed, she was as charming and engaging as they described. So, after taking my name and number they said they would be in touch.
Cafe Flore at Noe and Market in SFOIt took a while, but Susan arrived in San Francisco again and was meeting with potential clients. We arranged a meeting at Cafe Flore right on the corner of Noe and Market here in the city. Something about Cafe Flore: It is in the gayest of areas in the city and is owned apparently by Burning Man people! If that is not cool enough, there is a MAN effigy on the roof of the place!

First and Only Meeting

We met and talked about a lot of things, because she was looking to be a match maker and find someone for me, or maybe me for someone?
I tried laying it all out on the table and explain why dating has been such a bitch since Adolfo and I broke up and went in separate directions. I was honest that I felt he was my last soul-mate. I described how dissatisfied I was with meeting guys because they never mentioned they were in relationships already until I thought we were starting to make a connection.
When the subject got into my Burning Man activities things started getting very slipery.

“She told me she was planning on going to Burning Man next year in our discussion over coffee. We were meeting in a local cafe called “Cafe Flore” that has a Burning Man    Man on the roof and is owned by Burners. We were meeting because she was going to provide me a service and was interviewing me for this service… but she kept going back to ‘why‘ is Burning Man in your life beyond some festival that happens 7 days a year?

“When I tried explaining that the 10 Principles include things like radical self reliance, radical self expression, community involvement, etc… I explained these were things that were are not the 10 Commandments.  But she countered:

‘Why wouldn’t a normal person just do the right thing? Why is Burning Man in your life beyond some festival that happens 7 days a year?’

“Not everyone just does the right things and we are looking this as guidelines for a community. It’s a culture. It’s an ideal.

Part of Burning Man for me is the nearly unquestionable inclusion and acceptance in the local and major events. Those 10 Principles referred to here and there in the original story are guidelines people opting into the culture generally adapt and apply in daily life.
I also talked about the Radical Faeries and how I am enjoying my engagement with them?

“What is it about these people you find attractive?” she asked [paraphrased]

“From what I have seen the Radical Faeries are about gay people being as expressive and as real as they want without being burdened by the condemning eye of people who cannot understand… I love the ability to just put it out there.”

Keep in mind she started off telling me how much she wanted to go to Burning Man. If you know me I am the cheerleader on crack kool-aide drinkin’ cartwheelin’ Burning Man believer… all hale Larry!

“In the course of our conversation and how she kept referring to it being just a 7 day event that begins and ends and then, as she said, ‘people return to their normal lives’ I gave her a suggestion. I said, in the nicest way possible, cushioning it and told her: Maybe Burning Man is really not for you.”

There is no way I could afford paying her for this service. Maybe at this point she caught up with the calculation and she decided she could not invest in what I was bringing to the table. Or… perhaps my suggestion that she pass on Burning Man was insulting?
It was this bi-polar moment when we were having an engaging conversation, she was showing me pictures of her in the 80’s as a match-maker, and asking all kinds of personal questions. I answered them all but we stalled cold.
Susan shut down faster then a vampire at sunrise and closed the folder, shook my hand wishing me good luck, and stomped away. I saw literally sitting there for at least 5 minutes trying to figure out what just happen.


I sat there dazed and Susan walked through the restaurant and came out the other side then walked right past me in a daze? I have to wonder if she had a stroke or something happen to cause such a bizarre shift in mood. Needless to say I will not be a part of www.distinguishedgaymen.com and my application is: DENIED!

Memories Love Lost

Today I had some thoughts left over from yesterday. Well, after a restless night last night I woke up feeling kinda crappy. Once in a while I have dreams through the night that only set me up full of anxiety when I rise and this was one of those days.
A dream I had … what I remember of it … I made dinner for people that included what I recall was a pot roast with brown gravy and root vegetables. I added bourbon to the gravy and it made this woman (who looked like Fifine Brightman) and the other guests so excited. For some reason I remember all the guests being black people.
I digress here as last night I was working on my Sun Guardians site and noticed this guy Joel Wang was someone I thought was so sweet and wonderful. I never met him except through Facebook; but one night at a Comfort and Joy party called Afterglow I finally got to meet him. Well, every day on Facebook I see us tethered in some way through a mutual connection or even a Poke I never got rid of. He died, for me which was suddenly, not very long ago. Maybe it’s been a month maybe more.
Last night I just passed through his profile looking at pictures and remembering the wonderful things he said to me over the last…. I don’t know how long.
Furthermore, it got me thinking about how many people I have lost so far in life. Almost all due to HIV/AIDS and this includes 2 people I was very much in love with. Ron Herrera was my BF in 1992ish and we were together a while but I broke it off for stupid reasons… then he met this guy named Peter and next thing I knew they were both dead.
As for the second person, he is still alive, but I lost him long before the diagnosis. When his mom died he turned to stone a bit and my flakiness did not help the situation much. Yeah I was a douche. I openly admit it.
Yet the list goes on and on. Almost every friend  of mine who became HIV+ became this mean, self-involved, self-loathing, angry person and basically shoved people away who wanted to care and be supportive – loving – and helpful. This includes the douche I live with… talk about universal payback.
I sat downstairs this morning and all I could do was cry at what I appreciated from Joel. I felt overwhelming grief for those two men whom I loved unlike any other and probably like anyone in the future. These were all funerals I never got to attend. I get to grieve only in my heart.
In loving memory:

  • Ron Herrera
  • Irwin Bajadas
  • Scott Foster
  • Taylor
  • Eloy
  • Joel Wang

Just the names I think about a lot… for some they passed so long ago. It never feels good.