When I moved back to Las Vegas, I thought I would be able to get right back into the flow of some things with the people I felt deeply connected to here who were a part of my original burner community. Because I have no time for social stuff, I blamed that for not being able to connect. It almost feels like that is an excuse I told myself. In fact, it also feels like the community moved on without me and my motivations are different. It feels like I am an outsider. 

It’s my own fault, because I have different priorities these days. I put those priorities into my new house, marriage, dog, and my aspirations to publish my book. On all those points, I have put all those things over my need to be social.

My writing get a priority because I feel like I am so close to having these books published. But, I might be chasing a dragon on this one. I am having a lot of self-doubts. I always seem to get close and not get there. 

I connected with my psychiatrist last week and he mentioned something that is still in my head, about me being an introvert. I have always considered myself to be an introverted/extrovert, but it feels like that scale is sliding. It definitely is because of those previously mentioned priorities. I wonder if I keep filling the wrong bucket because my people meter keeps washing out on me.  I deeply feel like I need a better balance. 

Recently a friend of mine sent me a kit for a “Clearing Kit”, which is magic. Literally, a magic kit for clearing the obstacles in your life. I am a bit afraid to use it because I can see how one of those obstacles could definitely be my marriage. So, I have to ask myself, what are the priorities I want for the future. I know I want the books published and I want to write new things. I want to write full time. I want to travel. I want to cook. I want to be with friends. 

My job is okay. I like what I do. It’s chaos defined. It gives me little room to take care of myself. Where do I go with that? <<me questions, not a you question. 

But I want to be with my friends and I want to go on adventures but I am still stuck. I miss and love so many of the people I have met in my life, but am having trouble connecting. 



It’s been a long minute for a lot of reasons. Most recently my operating files in the background blew up and took a poop on being able to post. I am very grateful to my amazing hosting company who have helped me out of holes for many many years. They take good care of me. I use Mojohost. 

We are all moved in and trying to do lovely things at our new house in Las Vegas (see pics and updates here). Or you could see how this whole year has gone by going here (pics and stuff here). I played some catch up this week and am still making changes here. If anyone is checking this stuff out, thanks! Please feel free to comment and send love and shoutouts. 

Waffles is still working in San Francisco and is commuting and that has been tough. Money has been tough, but I am looking for work but ideally I want to get my writing in front of me so I can make money that way. It’s super tough to be seen in that area. When I talk about my work, people seem very excited or they are really good at faking it. ELDRITCH is ready to go and if I have to self-publish I will. So I am upping my game with social media and seeing what kind of energy I can generate to get it out there. 

Here is some of my other blogs and posts: Queerburners




Announcement: We are moving to Las Vegas as Homeowners!!!

This has been in the works since March, but we bought a lovely house in Las Vegas and will be moving there in the month of May to start our new life. I am glad to be going back and reconnecting with a lot of old friends and be a part of a network of friends that I have sorely missed. While I know a lot of people there, my partner is not as familiar with people. But, we are luck to have some good friends close by. Right around the corner, another couple we know really well and love, live as our new neighbors. 

This year has been a huge change for me and I am hoping it is a solid direction for what is left of my time on this planet. We got married on February 6th as part of this process to get this house and really start building this life as we want. Since we inche toward the final steps of this process I have been furnishing and planning everything in my head. It’s gunna look way cute if I can get it out of my head and in the house. 

The furniture shown in these images from Zillow are all staged in the strangest ways. I have some ideas for the house and a lot of things I want to make happen for it while we live there. Time for our next 5 year plan.

When we got married it was part of this decision. This process started around the end of January and has taken this long to close. We signed the final papers this morning and submitted closing costs and will have keys this week.

The fact today is May Day is even more special, because it is a day for new beginnings. It’s a day for reflection, memories, and taking bold new steps in life. So glad. So grateful.