I forgot to mention that I updated a couple sections of the site last night. nothing major.. but I am trying to think of some new things I can add. Any suggestions? xo

Got a nice e-mail from Allan today. Got an annoying e-mail from Keith, too. He was responding to my e-mail to him and basically made excuses for it all. Whatever.

I think this is a good thing, in a way, that I can see people in a different light. There are a lot of people I don’t like. There are a lot of people who are interesting. There are a lot of interesting looking people who are boring as hell.

Ever hear an interview with Janet Jackson? I saw her in Letterman or something once and damn if she did’nt sound boring. I see guys with exotic looks and swarthy shells who are either stupid as a rock or boring as the mold under the rock. What’s up with that????

I guess I am ranting. I have a lot of people in my universe who vary in a lot of ways. Some are sweet and nice as anyone could ever be… but dumb as a stump.

——–

Don’t I sound like such a bitch? well, FUCK YOU. ha ha ha ha ha…

Today went by so fast. Today is my Saturday from work. It turns out it is my Monday for school. I swear I just woke up and am already ready for bed… but Adolfo and I are supposed to go out for a drink tonight. YEAH!

God help me… can’t use any names here. None mentioned above however; that has to be cleared up for the sensative folks out there. All I can say to them: “At least you’re pretty…”

I have been really upset with pal Keith for reasons I am not going to get into. I wrote him an e-mail explaining why. It started on Christmas Eve and has not come to closure. I am not sure how I feel about it at this point… because I ask myself… do I respect him?

I mean really… I am NO innocent myself. I have done a LOT of things to deserve very little respect form a lot of people. Hell, I barely respct myself. Well, metaphorically speaking…

When I feel betrayed. When I feel like my relationship with someone has become destructive. When I sense I have lost respect for that individual… I pull away. I do not want to make it worse or let it get to a point where it gets explosive.

If you read back you would see where I filtered a lot of people out of my life. Too many names to list and a few of those people pop-in on my site periodically to see. I think about all of them some times and wonder if I was too impulsive? …in the end I agree with myself that I did what was ultimately right. …I think.

What’s done is done. That was a personality I expereinced in Boston. It took a while to really build more solid relationships there. Friends were freinds. There was a tremendous value to all of that.

Las Vegas is a vacant place and I feel very alone here. I crave warmth and a better sense of community and a better social support here. I have this possibly unreal vision of what life should be… freinds coming by and sitting in the kitchen with coffee. Watching tv or playing games together… not here.

I look up to Seattle for a place to build a life at. I sense I can have a home there and settle… I can hope huh?

xo

I am getting ready for bed. I did not sleep so well last night, so I am looking forward to it. I have these wierd dreams from time to time about work-related things. Last night I kept dreaming that I had to produce carmelized nut tarts in huge amounts and could not keep up. The food was being left out and I was continuously stressing out that I had to finish. ugh

Last night Adolfo took me out to celebrate my birthday. We at at a favorite called FireFly that serves Spanish Tapas. I ordered a pitcher of Mojito immediately! Some freinds showed up which I was glad to see. Esther (from work), Woody (school and work) and Sai (cuts my hair and buddy of Adolfo).

Yesterday was really good anyway you look at it. We did spend the morning at the Vet because Tom has been suffering from diarreaha for a few days. He got into some raw turkey and we think he got a parasite… will he ever learn?

hmm… Happy New Year … now go to bed and make sweet sweet love. ha ha ha!

uhm… tomorrow is my birthday and I could get through it not really worrying about it at all. I am turing 40. 4 (four) 0 (zero)… I am officially gay-dead. I am the old troll smiling through yellow teeth, unkept hair and wearing polyester. oi vay…

I did, however, get a neat cake from work! It’s very nice and I am looking forward expanding my troll-like gut.

This last week has been a littl nuts. Actually it would be safe to say that the last month has been generally unnerving. Getting ready for x-mas, making enough money to afford everything, looking for family and freinds who are just as busy and blah blah blah….

So Thursday eveing Adolfo and I hosted a quiet gathering of some friends who came by and it was very nice. Karen and the baby were here, Esther (from work) was here with her beautiful daughter, Woody + Brian, Dirty Dorothy and… I think that was everyone. I served some nut tarts I made, Costco special cream puffs, and some sliced Stollen bread. Beside them I also served a spiked warm Nog and a Mulled Wine.

The next night I had a party to cook for for a family in Henderson and it went well. I had a lot of little problems that I eventually ironed out.

We ended up doing our gift exchange on Thursday after the party we had. The gift details are on the other blog page! Regardless, I got some really good stuff rom Adolfo. He spent too much money on me and I told him so!

xo… 🙂

Earlier today I considered what I would write in my diary tonight, because I have been really struggling with the path of life I am on… again. I am definitely on a road with dual personalities! The light is not guiding me clearly… in other words… there is no clear compass sending me in one CAREER direction.

I am enjoying the catering and personal chef business. My job at the Venetian is basically catering while my personal chef business is picking up here and there. I am also going to school for some computer certifications.

My horoscope today:

You may find yourself wanting to go in many directions today, yet at the same time something seems to be holding you back from going anywhere, dear Capricorn. This annoying conflict of energies may make it difficult for you to make the most of your day, but you can handle it. Don’t act too hastily. Make sure you evaluate all of your choices before you make a final decision. If nothing seems to fit well for you today, don’t push it.

How profound… maybe just to me. Well, Adolfo and I are having some peeps over on Thursday evening and I will post pics… of course.

…guide me.

oh, Sam CALL ME!!!!! brat!

I have to go back to work tomorrow after my weekend. Today is my Sunday, so it is the end of my weekend obviously. This was a tough one! It’s also a week from Christmas… if you can believe that one. I think Adolfo’s sister is due in in a couple days; which I am looking forward to BUT I do not think he will ahve time off???

I stressed out today and had a little meltdown. Oh, I had one yesterday too.

Yesterday I did well at the onset of the day. I paid bills and took care of errands; Tom to get cleaned, bank and then washed the car. THEN I set out of the gym and little things started going wrong and I was having some personal issues. My brain was overloaded and I was really stressed. I did nto eat properly and my blood pressure was high, blood sugar low… I lost if and flipped out.

Well, today I was worried about school and I was getting concerened about my Network + certification. I have been internalizing over the last few weeks because I was worried that this school was not the best decision for me. Well, I hashed it out and who knows how it will all be in the end????

Not too major, huh? It’s all the drama that goes on in my tiny brain. I have figured something out recently: I may have Adult ADD??? I wonder? I felt kinda weird thinking it might be true… but

Okay… I am just rambling once more.

Sam wrote me a couple times the last couple days. I am feeling happier that he is getting healthier and more centered for himself. He is strong. He is wise. He has a love of love in his soul. I always felt something for him because I related to him in ways I cannot find words to accurately describe. He touches me. He is blunt and antagonistic. He is profound and spiritual. But.. at the same time he is adrift and sorta caught in a whirlpool. I have this urge to wrap him up in my arms or snatch him away on a journey.

Funny, huh?

I updated my wish list …

I feel very fat today… My weight losing endeavers have fallen fairly flat. I am working out a lot, but I guess my consuming is overwhelming my abilty to burn calories! AGH!

The delay with the move has bummed me out a bit… but I am thinking it will turn out to be a good thing in the long run… I am trying to keep my energy positive and open to new roads. I heard about job openings in New York. ugh… I love NY but I think it might be too much for my little man!

My pal Sam seems to be pulling himself together. I have prayed a lot for him and others… Sam wrote me today and I enjoyed hearing the positive things in his note. I have not heard from Rosa in Boston in a while… been thinking about her and sending out my prayers to her and her family.

So you’re saying: Scott Prays????? What the hell? The pagan-like loud mouth who seems to hate everyone and is sometimes such a bitch to talk to???? That lunatic who calls other drivers idiots all over the road? He who get’s chills at Arizona liscence plates on cars, hayseeds from Utah, Asian drivers, chicks on cell-phones…. STOP! Am I losing my point???

Ha ha ha ha! Yes, I pray and I have been thinking about talking about it more. I pray to … (pause)… Sam says it is wrong to use the name of g*d when he writes and when we have talked on the phone. He’s my younger Jew buddy… since when can it be wrong to share something like this?

I pray to God, whom I refer to as Yahweh. I do not believe in anything like “someone” that resembled Zues or anyting like that. Nothing so base and archane. I suppose it goes without saying that the idea of a Jesus demi-god is, in my opinion, stupid beyond all belief. Well.. that’s alittle bit of it. It will all become clearer some day.

xo Scott

Fallah-lah-lah-lahhhhh

Humbug. Well, it is getting closer to Christmas. I am not sure when hannakah begins… but I am still uninspired. The house here looks really nice with the x-mas deco crap we have posted all over the place. It’s not over-done… it does look good.

As far as gift giving is concerned, we have most of it done. We are not buying a lot for a lot of people, just immediate friends and the like. As far as x-mas cards are concerend we are also getting those together right now… but I am having a creative issue with them which I am working to resolve. So, if you’re reading this… send me an e-mail with your address: you too Allan. Gary, Ian, Terry&Kathy… Chippy???

Our move to Seattle has been post-poned to April… well, maybe March. I was panicing too much with the idea of trying to find a job in January when people are being laid off… the weather if rough… too many of the conditions were frightful.

I want to move to Seattle because I perceive that we will have a better quality of life up there. I think we/I will meet better people and develop more steady friendships and more. Adolfo on the other hand may or may not be along for the ride… who knows?

I am unhappy with him right now and it tends to come out on this diary as if we are about to break up??? I tend to write here more when my feelings are conflicted with him. Some people think our relationship is very turse ebcause of all the bitching I do, but they are only 1/2 right… oi vay.

Oh, I am all drama, huh? I miss the people I had in Boston. Boston life was very good for me, but my love life was just as fucked up there. UGH!

xo…

Adolfo just told me he read my diary out of curiousity… he was actually looking for my holiday list on the OTHER link and whammo, bammo… read these pages and was agast. He said some things upset him and some things made him laugh. Overall… I think he as okay with it. He kept it all in perspective.

News? Well, it looks like we will be moving soon. I convinced Adolfo to pick it all up and move out of Las Vegas. It’s been in the machine for almost a year, but it’s ready to be born. I am thinking about all the people and things we are leaving behind. Adolfo’s dearest friend and his wonderful family will also be left behind. I will miss them very much.

More news soon. xoxoxoxo