I have been really upset with pal Keith for reasons I am not going to get into. I wrote him an e-mail explaining why. It started on Christmas Eve and has not come to closure. I am not sure how I feel about it at this point… because I ask myself… do I respect him?
I mean really… I am NO innocent myself. I have done a LOT of things to deserve very little respect form a lot of people. Hell, I barely respct myself. Well, metaphorically speaking…
When I feel betrayed. When I feel like my relationship with someone has become destructive. When I sense I have lost respect for that individual… I pull away. I do not want to make it worse or let it get to a point where it gets explosive.
If you read back you would see where I filtered a lot of people out of my life. Too many names to list and a few of those people pop-in on my site periodically to see. I think about all of them some times and wonder if I was too impulsive? …in the end I agree with myself that I did what was ultimately right. …I think.
What’s done is done. That was a personality I expereinced in Boston. It took a while to really build more solid relationships there. Friends were freinds. There was a tremendous value to all of that.
Las Vegas is a vacant place and I feel very alone here. I crave warmth and a better sense of community and a better social support here. I have this possibly unreal vision of what life should be… freinds coming by and sitting in the kitchen with coffee. Watching tv or playing games together… not here.
I look up to Seattle for a place to build a life at. I sense I can have a home there and settle… I can hope huh?