I am at work right now… having just discovered that I can write in my blogs. This week I have a really FUCKED UP schedule because I am working grave-yard until the 12th… which is a date I am dashing off to SFO for a couple more days.

I finally told a lot of people that I changed jobs… I left the Pastry Shop at the Venetian to move into their IT department. My concerns now are that this was a huge mistake, but one I had to live through. I am always stressed over my work here and find a lot of people extremely hostile and … well, not nice.

I am still learning the mentality here. I am still trying to fit in… as it were. Erik helped me get this job and I appreciate it… but I really did not really know what I was jumping in to. The environment is not terribly complicated, but you know techno-nerds they think nobody else can understand what it is that they do. Well, this house of cards is not so complicated and I can handle it just fine.

The question then is… am I happy? I am so miserable that I cannot tell you. I was complacent before… but now… I am just standing here with a mouth full of crow feathers and my index finger is strumming my lower lip in dismay.

I am so unhappy. Not to grouse too much, but I am always certain there are brighter paths ahead. The shining light in this I have been slepping a lot…. but I have not been working out either. I will be back in the gym tomorrow for sure!

I have slept this week as much as I could. The funny thing is that I feel very good from it. It is as if I am making up a lifetime of sleep deprevation. My brain feels different. I feel pieces working that don’t always do.

He he he…. oh well. You know I am a little nuts anyway.

I am off to SFO for a couple days to see a buddy Chef guy whom you can see in my Bale’ pics. Ken is a sweetie and I am happy to see him again since 2002.

I will try and write more….

I have been working a lot and going to the gym a lot again… but I make money and get fatter. I took some pictures because I am going to do some more work on the secret part of this site. I realized how chubby I have gotten, especially in my face.

This has been such a battle this year and I feel like I am fighting myself more than anything. Some times I wonder if Adolfo is to blame, but I am the only one repsonsible for my issues. Ugh! If I could only be more frank here….

You thought I out too much on this site??? I could be putting a hell of a lot more. Trouble is I know only a therapist could help.

Basically I am saying I am a little screwed up. Only a little… right Brian? But, I have some sane anchors in the storm…. Gary? I am also saying only I can walk that path.

BTW… i am a little tired so I am rambling a bit. I was in bed, but my brain would not turn off so I had to get up and try and burn out some of these thoughts that would not turn off. Yesterday was a tough day at work that turned into a 12 hour shift. Today I picked Adolfo up form work and he was acting like a possesed demon bitch from hell and went to bed without telling me hours ago. He thinks I am mad at him and I was not… but I was after he gave me shit about it. Ya know what I figured out about him???? I figured out when he is in a bad mood or on-the-rag he is not happy until everyone around him is pissed or miserable… then he miraculously is pleasant again. What the fuck is that about?!?!?!?!?!?

Another week has shot by and here I sit with a load of stuff on my brain. First of all, I updated a the gallery section of the site with some of the pics from SFO. I also added some pics from my presentations at the Venentian.

Adolfo and I made a trip to L.A. Friday night to go to his sister’s birthday, which was on Saturday. Well, the party was beautiful and it was so nice seeing so much of his family, that we decided to come home right after. We got on the road at 11:30 at night and hit Vegas about 3:30 am. Oh my God was it dangerous driving back. I am certain my eyes closed 3 times.

That probably won’t happen again. Ugh…

This promises to be a busy week. My schedule this week is going to be Tuesday to Saturday on the day shift so I am looking forward to Saturday afternoon… no plans as of yet.

Recently I heard from Kaidy from L.A. who came and stayed a couple days. I wanted to call Ed while I was near Long Beach, but it would have been impossible to meet up with him. Same with Jeffy-Jeff.

Oh well… I hope all are well. Someone let me know they are reading these. Add comments!!!!!!

xo Scott

Well, we’re back from SFO and back into the mode of life. Adolfo is at work right now. I am going to bed in 5 minutes. We spent WAY WAY too much money.

Anyway, all the pictures and more details will be posted soon. As I am slowly recovering from the journey I am thinking in my mind about more to come.

Kaidy is here visiting from L.A. and watching t.v. in the other room. Ugh… I need to get to bed so I can have the joy of going to work tomorrow. yipee…

This has been an interesting month, as it is ending in some pretty cool ways. I have a lot of goals and in achieving them I am stunned that I am making head-way.

We are leaving on vacation in a few days and will have some cool pictures to post. We will have some neat stories and more. I just found out that Chip from New York will be there on Thursday preparing for the San Francisco Marathon! We might get a chance to see him!!!

I talked with Allan in Texas last night for a while and I was taken by his new outlook on life. This was one of a few of freindships I severed and walked away from because it was getting to me. It was one of two people whom I cared for that I found myself too involved in thier lives and finding myself being very judgemental about what they did to themselves and other people around them.

It’s no more healthy for me to be involved as it is for me to be judgemental about it. For Allan or for Keith, for that matter. I find myself missing Keith in some ways.

I am glad I talked with Allan and saw where he is evolving in this existance. I am sure Keith is doing much in the same.

I recently sent out a mass e-mail to freinds and family saying “howdy”… none of those bitches replied… well, except Ken in Burmuda! Hey!!!!! I need more attention!

Later ya’ll

Today is my Sunday, but I have an extra day off this week which I am very happy about. I chose not to get paid for it, saving my flex-time (vacation time), so my next check will be slightly enemic (sp?).

I got the web sites uploaded finally. There are some minor changes I made already, but I want to do more updates.Of course, there are many more to come to my changing and evolving world.

Vacation plans are all made and there is room for exploraion and fun-having. I will be visiting SFO anew… I hope Adolfo can find it a positive expereince.

I have began figuring out that he rarely sees anything in a positive light. He almost never is excited about something. He almost never has a positive thing to say about expereinces. He is so afraid of “new” or change that it boggles my imagination.

On Queer Eye last night there was the girlfreind of the Strait Guy who was much like Adolfo… she could say nothing positive. She almost complained unceasingly. I was watching with Adolfo and that evening we had an brief bitch-moment about how negative he was…

I wonder if he saw the same paralells I did?????

xo

I just found out that my web company is going out of business… so all my sites will be vanishing soon. I need to get a new provider… I will keep you updated!

Scott

It’s been a while… again. Our lives have changed with schedules changing. Adolfo and I have much more simular schedules and with that he likes to keep me off the computer. I cannot get a lot of things done I would normally be working on. Is that bad? Is that good?

Time will tell… so far, not so bad.

Mom was here last weekend and we spent a couple evenings with her and my step-dad. It was very nice to see them. This weekend Adolfo’s sis and neice are coming to town. Wierd how everyone travels about the same time, huh? A holiday weekend brings ’em in!

Last night I booked our new vacation. I got a good deal to SFO for three nights and I got hotel, air and a car for a good dea. YEAH! I want to go to Europe this year, too, but I do not see that really developing. ergh…

Anyway, I am looking forward to the whole trip. Getting away is way way overdue right now. I hope not to drive my ass into the poorhouse.

Anyway, I am off to pick the little-man (right Keith?) from work and then off for a drinky-poo. Ha ha ha… Scott

So, it’s been a quiet week and my brain has still been working over time on where I am, what I want, and how to get to a point that I can only imagine arriving at after winning the Lotto (or Megabucks). To get there, I sense I would have to sever my life here with Adolfo and maybe even with Tom, but I am unwilling to do that.

I am examining life. I am thinking about my needs. I am thinking about my happiness now and in the future. I’ll keep ya’ll updated.

Still thinking a lot about a lot of things… thinking too much. I cannot quite put my finger on what it is I feel I am missing out of life. I feel like I am standing on the side of a freeway watching the world passing by. I cannot focus on any one object as it passes by in a blur. (a metaphore)

My life in Boston was good. My life in L.A. was good, but I have more money here (in Las Vegas) and have a lovely home. My relationship with Adolfo is good… but I get big doubts inside of me about the sustainability of it.

I have always journeyed along the path of life (another metaphore) and saw a clear road (for the most part), but I am in a fog!

Alas, I wish I had other news to share. Sometime soon. Surprisingly enough I am not ALL drama. Kisses!