I am feeling much better now. Yes, daddy Allan, baby is all better. I am actually going to go to they gym after work and get some exercixe today. I am very happy about that since I have not been able to in almost a week. I have been soooooo sick.

I am also reading the “DaVinci Code” and am halfway through it after a couple days of reading. Very interesting…. so far it is a different than what I expected. I am just lapping it up!

I am about to leave work and am off the next couple nights! Yeah me!

Still sick… my life sucks. I am dying… somebody toss a daisy on my grave hole…. bwaaaaah!

I am sucking snot, fighting an itchy throat, pooping my pants… boy, am I pretty. Well… at lest I still have 97.5% of my humor. And I am dressed well. When I came in one of the guys yelled at me… he says I am on graveyard shift … I do not have to dress so nice!!! Well, (blush) thanks!

I look smart… grey 3/4 wool sweater, pin striped slacks, camel skin colored leather Steve Madden shoes and my matching Coach belt… smell me! Well, don’t i probably stink like NyQuil and Chloraseptic. Coffee and bad enchilades from the dining room.

At lkeast I am alive… well, for a couple more hours anyway. I am going to hit the bed as soon as I get home again. I tried that yesterday, too. I went right to bed… tossed and turned and tossed and then finally got up. Watched tv, drank some hot cocoa, played with the Poodle-Dog…. the basics. Still could barely sleep. I had already taken a dose of Tylenol Night Time at 8 so I waited til noon to take some NyQuil.

My first born child will be called NyQuila.

Just kidding… this isn’t the Morey Povich show. So, I am now just waiting to be able to go home because I get off in 20 minutes and counting as I type this lovewly tribute to my own fleeting sanity.

One more night to go before my weekend hits! Yeah… And maybe I will be healthy for it?????? Ugh!!!!

xo Lovers! I miss some of my freinds: Ed, Jeffy Jeff, Woody, Keith, Mo and more… 🙁

I am sick as hell… it all started the other day. I went to a party with Adolfo saying goodbye to his manager; she was a really cool chick. Anyway, this hot guy who works with Adolfo was sick and then… look what I got. At least if I got this hot guy’s cold/flu I could have really earned it! Damn!

I also invested in promoting my restaurant concept for a 3 month position on the web that investors look at. FundingPost.Com is a site I think I advirtised before… but I had a long talk with an guy who is an investor and he pointed out a few holes in my concept which really has me reeling. Not from the point of view of someone who is stubborn enough not to listen, but from a perspective that I have a good idea and I have to get someone to pay attention and believe in it.

www.BlueAngelCafe.com is my restaurant. It’s a great idea! I can make 5.6 million in a year and those are conservative numbers. All I need is 300k to get it going. Can you imagine? Well, I can.

Anyway… I have been updating my cooking site www.halonet.net with new recipes and articles. Check it out if you have time!

Adolfo is home sick now. He got this flu ting starting last night. I think he got it from me… this is an agressive little bug. I felt so bad even my hair hurt last night. Every fiber of my being hurt. I ached and wanted to die!!!!!

But, I feel a lot better now. Anyway…. take care all

Today is my Thursday and tomorrow I am going to be very busy with work because there is a special deal going on here that will last me all night long. I will be busy and my contributions to the site, my diary, and my prowling of gay.com will be sorely restricted. I may not be there for poor Allan so he can cry on my shoulder.

I told Allan he needs to hire an escort for his dirty little man-fantasies. I guess some guy from his gym tried to suck his dick one day and “Big Gay Al” got all freaked out afraid of catching a disease. Well, I got cudies! Ha ha ha… just joking.

Tonight I updated Adolfo and my MP3 players. I put a lot more rock on mine while Adolfo-fina likes his Madonna and other chick music.

Otherwise I have very little to offer the diary today because it’s been a little uneventful lately. I am making plans for stuff over the next couple months which will be very cool. I am hoping for a lot of very positive things to happen and hope peoples out there have the best thoughts for me. I always do for you…

I have been doing a lot of inner reflection as usual… this time I am also struggling with body image (worse than usual) and reality. I’ve never been too in touch with that: reality… but then again, what IS real? Ugh… we’ll try this again soon. xo

This has been sorta a wierd couple days. Yesterday I was in a funny mood. I doubt it was because I knew it was Friday the 13th, but overall the day was … queer.

I was in a mood all night and chatted on gay.com (screen name: scotters) through most of the night and talked with pretty boys and some ugly men. It was nice… but then my boss came in and I signed about – abruptly. I got my review… why do my review on this day???? It sucked. It wasn’t a bad review, but it pointed out how mcuh I did not want to be here working for someone who does not know me. YET, on some points, she knew me quite well. She should have fired me. I really think I should be fired.

I was restless after work and I went to the gym, but I did not accompish so much.

I was anxioous at home and farted around so much that I got to bed really late and slept until right before it was time to go to work.

I pecked Adolfo on the lips and was gone… having seen him 2 minutes.

Tonight I spent 4 hours trying to upgrade some of the security on my laptop and got no where with it.

I went to gay.com for a few minutes and went through e-mail

I updated www.halonet.net in my business section, front page, and my recipe book that I have posted there. It’s an excellent trout concept. I’ll be doing more this week. I want to make something fun.

After work I am off to the gym and I want to have a nice workout. I want to really work on arms, then do some good cario for my supa’ fat assssssss! Supa’! God, I am fat and I hate it. I hate it. I have gained 10 pounds for every year I have lived here. What the fucking patty cakes is up with that?~?~?~?~?

ugh

I know how I am … yest at the same time there is a lot about myself I either do not acknowledge or do not clue into. My family has told me stuff about myself on occasion that I either forgot or did not know. Some stuff about when I was a kid or my general personality.

Once I was worried about telling myUncy Ed that I was a big homo. I made a big stress-case over it. As I struggled to tell him he laughed and said said “for Christ-sake when you were 13 you came out and announced it to everyone…” I did not remember that at all.

My mom once corrected me about something about my personality and I was stunned because she was actually right. I wish I could remember the exact situation.. but it is things like that which add to my curious ideas about my perception of myself.

“Know thyself” someone said and I don’t. I get emotional. I get reflective. I get insecure. ME!?!?!?!?! I was a really strong character, but I have come to question a lot of my own decisions… I have also come to regret a lot of my decisions.

Regrets are for losers and I cannot be bogged down with them. What kinds of things do I regret? There are a lot of regrets with ex’s. I have lamented enough about those. I regret leaving the Air Force when and how I did. I regret a lot of financial situations I managed to get myself in to.

Anyway, I have been very emotional and reflective lately thinking about this year. 2006 has got to be better than 2005. I feel like there are a lot of changes coming my way and I need to really dig in and find opportunity… take some chances… and make some valuable choices for new direction and goals.

I decided to really make those changes this year. Even if they have to be hard decisions.

I may end up with some new regrets. but… I have to do something.

I am so very thrilled that I got the web site to nearly perfect condition… now I need everyone else to cooperate… have YOUR settings set correctly, see the whole display. Your display settings should be 1078×800 which will give you almost everything. If you have a shrimpy-wimpy tiny screen with large settings then you can’t see shi-iiiteeeee…..

——-

I have been updating the Book (see link to left) with some factual information that I have been able to comb together from some of my resources… mostly on the web so far. It is easier to use those resources so I can link them directly from the web site.

What I am learning is that there are a lot of people who seem to get information mixed up about a single figure. It is also aparent that many people tend to make shit up as they go along because is fills in a hole. There are a lot lot lot of holes in religion. And, it is not healthy that so many people just put their hands over there eyes and pretend to go along with whatever they think is right.

Now, I think I have been guilty of the same thing here and there. Sometimes I have a resource where I might have garnered a fact… then I cannot find the fact/resource anymore. This is why I am trying to keep all my facts more solid than what I have before.

A web site I found called www.templarhistory.com where there is an interesting history, some of which is directly related to the DaVinci Code book that is getting so much attention. Ya know… I have a lot of feeling about Christianity and Catholicism that I occasioanlly rant about … but an organization like this and the Masons make me really concerned.

There are government secret organizations that keep secrets, but when there are other units religious and secular based it makes me worried because they are outside the radar usually. Which means they can get away with some serious shit… even if it means re-writing history and religion.

I will write more in the Book of Uriel…while I will reserve these pages for more invested expressions. My Book of Uriel is going to be a study.

xo

I asked Allan that question this morning and he answered me…yes. Then he went into this whole montage of “…in an idyllic world… blah blah blah”

The fact of the matter is that I am just stale. I am like … I cannot even find a metaphore to fillin this space because I am so… ya know. I get mad at some people that are like THAT and I know I am just getting mad at myself. It is so pathetic….

I know what I want and there is a way to get what I want, but when I get there am I gunna get what I want out of it? Am I going to question myself so much that I sit here in a floundering mess second guessing myself into a frenzy.

Therefore I am getting no where.

You’ve seen www.halonet.net???? I have a great buisness plan that I recently finished that covers my new restaurant. I also have plans for making myself into a business model of my own. I can rival M to a degree… but I got to get there. I feel like I need help! I wonder if I am trying to jump from Step A to Step N to get to Step Z.

What a mess, huh? What a frenzied mess I have become.

I am getting ready for bed slowly, but Shirley (don’t call me Shirley). Anyway, I have been working on this new site for a couple nights now… trying to get it in my head how it was going to work. The first idea was going to have a tree running up the center and each side would have infromation appearing on wither side. One side was going to be animated… but I was not getting the concept together.

I was sitting at my desk in frustration and took a couple pics of myself and thus you got what you got. <---- right over there is the pic I took two nights ago. It's not perfect... but I have time to fiddle with it. I hope to hear back from people! Love! Scott

I bought another domain for myself. Well, Blue Angel Cafe was supposed to be my domain, but it blossomed into something else. It blossomed into a pretty cool project, one which I am excited about… but need to really do something about as well.

Mynew domain will be www.BookOfUriel.com and though many people don’t get the subtext… or maybe you do and just think I am sorta fucked in the head… will get to enjoy an all new scheme. I cannot manage to get it all together yet, but it is coming.

I let someone get under my skin about HOW I should present my web sites… and since then it has been knawing at me. Mind you, I respect this person a lot, but I let it really get to me. I make web sites like these and manage them because I like doing it. I like creating cohesive elements I can share on the web. It is a way for me to express myself… but I have been relaying on old tech for a while.

I use a WYSIWIG and I use Swish … I cheat. I ty and create something fun and descriptive from myself and though a trickle of people come to see me… I try to please. Argh!!!! Argh that I want to do more and create good stuff… creat thought provoking details and ideas and that I get virtually no feedback. AND what I do I get is usually not glittering. Argh that I take it too personally and feel obligated to make ot bigger.

But I do. It’s not his fault. It’s all me… when “Book of Uriel” comes into light it will finally have many of the things I want to say. MEEEEEEEE!!!!