Below is an email I began writing to Gail this morning with the anticipation we could make a new path toward moving into the future that I did not send, but after our conversation at the Brannan Street location today it was clear that it was time to move on. I resigned with Sean and Rahmen today and will bring my uniforms in on Monday. I hope to receive my final check and leave on as positive note as possible.
There was no communication between Gail and I in the 8 or so months that I was there and I have to assert that my desire to succeed was unseen by Gail and for whatever folly with that there was no reason to continue on. She told me she did not see my passion and even when I tried giving her examples they went over as well as most of our conversations.
While I feel misunderstood and misrepresented I made an honest effort and was willing to go stronger. But, without communication and feedback even when asked for it there was no where to go. I learned a lot while with Alexander’s and wish the future would have been brighter.
Scott
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After last night I took some time to do some thinking and am writing this having considered a lot of things.
You were right about what was going on. Those souffles just cannot sit and they faded as they aged. Your name is on that menu – bottom line – and I respect that 1000%.
That being said – I want to tell you that I very nearly walked in and turned in my uniforms last week because I have been working very hard to show you my commitment level and you have given no indication that it has been visible. I had hoped that after all these months that the work and commitment I have tried to bring would resonate on any level.
- I come in early every day and get to work without a huge amount of chatter
- I bring my own tools and make sure I am ready to work
- I have been there and not only producing but creating and trying to contribute
- I tackle as much production as I can especially when it might be needed during immediate service
No other employee can say the same thing. I have been there to perform every day with the exception of days you have given me off on time or early.
I’m not a bozo and I am not scumbag and I am not retarded. We all actually joke about your go-to word calling us ‘retards’ or ‘retarded’.
- I am a U.S. Veteran who served 6 years
- I am a community leader and activist
- I am a soldier in my heart still and willing to take on tasks
- I am a patriot and I am a person who is very loyal
You say no one tells you things. These things are important. But I can fully understand that you and I are boss and employee. In spite of me feeling like you talked to me like I was – basically an idiot. I worked hard to show you I was committed and want top quality coming from our team. I do… but I am just gobsmacked about my ability to continue and being treated like a I less than human.
I get along with everyone … EVERYONE and I care about my work. I am thick skinned enough not to have complained. I have sought advice. This is a tricky business when it comes to human relations. Somehow I hoped that the superior standard Alexanders gives to their guests might apply to relations with staff as well.
Given that, it seems that is applies to some staff and not all. You do not talk to me the way you engage other people in the department. I struggled to figure out what it was and it seems like this is an issue with my age. I am twice as old as any other member on the team and if your expectations are different for me because of that then mine are of you as well because I give you every level of respect no matter what. I do try and stand up for myself but when you are right – like last night – you are right.
Why do I suspect agism? I have eliminated everything I can think of. I am there daily giving 150% and am open to any procedural changes you want me to take – because I am also here to learn a new method, procedure, idea, concept… I have absorbed so much on a level above where I came from. Yet, the negativity is just starting to feel overwhelming.
Certainly it may carry in my persona at this point because as you get ready to leave for the Los Angeles store you want to leave a legacy behind that helps you move forward to a whole new creative adventure. I want the same thing for myself… not L.A. though… I am saying I am here to better myself through this role for my own future endeavors whatever that might be.
I read “How to Make Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. I was half way through the second read on it when I discovered 
So, the ghost of my biological father has been haunting me. Well, better to say my daddy-baggage. He is still alive and within the scope of these hard times I am feeling incredibly depressed. But then again, I have been over committing myself in the light of a heating up season for Burning Man.
settling with C Monster in for the long run and last night we concluded that chapter. Poetically speaking – on Valentines Day.
Without going on and on I hope to change the tone of my posts. Seems I write more here when I want to make a hole in my head and let the drama leak out. Leak away, but turn into butterflies and fly away.