Things have been going well, relatively speaking, and the blessing haqve continued to come. If only I could find some stable ground to stand on along the way.
I need to get a job or find some legal/valid source of income happening more than big art projects. This one project I am hoping will start to establish some credit because I am also joining with some other creative people to get this done. Apathy is killing me.
Saturday night was Winterfest and it was really cool. I enjoyed it a lot. I really felt something very different that night. It is special to know there are some people out there that are really supportive and loving. I looked and treated people differently, less with expectations, more with just what the universe was handing me.
In the course of that I met some cool people and hopefully set foundations for more cool stuff in the future.
I also had a meeting with some Burning Man brass on Friday and got some critical feedback from some things and I think I have already taken it to heart. Time for new pathways. The journey has been good, but it is time to make new paths.
Author Archive: scott.kay
2011 Moving Forward
This looks like it can be an exciting year with some of the things I am doing with Burning Man as an event I plan on attending and participating in for 2011.
My fear is that all these politics of the last year are crushing me and, although the damage seems like it is done, it’s time to just find my own feet and move forward without the interference with the dream killers. It is my own fault, but I have already lamented over this enough.
I have 3 art projects planned for this year and once I get these clicking, I am hoping to find inspiration for more. My flagship project for this year is called Final Passage; relative for the Burning Man theme “Rites of Passage” for Burning Man this year. It is taking great shape and I brought on two partners in the completion of this yesterday. I am seeking one more and then I need to get through the fund raising part of this.
The second project is called “gluttony” and it will deal with some of my issues with self-image and other baggage I am looking to channel into a presentation that is conceivably more simple than Final Passage for example.
Finally, is “Public Announcement” that I am having a problem conceptualizing. OR!!!!! I have it done already. Sep 2010 I made what my vision was and brought it to our “After Burn” and it did not translate. The delivery method, shown here, was lost on basically everyone. I am wondering if I bring it to Burning Man for center camp if it will translate in 2D instead.
The lessons from last year trying to get “Monotropolis” to Burning Man resonate with me and I am taking those lessons to the bank. I got a lot of helpful advice from people who are today not my friends anymore and it makes me really sad.
Only hope is the light that leads my way through this journey and I stand radically self expressive and self reliant to get my goals accomplished. All I can do is hope and pray that the journey opens new doors.
2011 Has Begun
I have been very reflective the last couple of weeks with the beginning of the year. I am questioning my place in the community I have come to love so much.
One basic fact is there are a hell of a lot of really cool people whom I can say I genuinely love. Those same people send a lot of love back. If I could manage to find someone I could date with that same vibe, I would be the luckiest guy on earth.
There is a handful of people in that same group that I have managed to alienate and it is because I let myself, no put myself, into the political machine and am now officially chewed up as much as I can stand. You should have seen how much I worked to stay out of that role up to a point, but through a pseudo mentorship from someone I trusted who is a leader in the community I let myself get wrapped up in the wrong things.
It started with one nasty person who became a cancer in something so wonderful. Is it true, the one bad apple can spoil a whole pie, idea? Yes.
You either die a hero, or you
live long enough to see yourself become
the villain.
That quote from Harvey Dent in the Batman movie resonates in my head as I write this, and from an email I sent in private earlier today. Does it apply to me? Does it apply to Cameron? Either way, I feel like the one going down in flames.
I question my continued involvement for a lot of reasons. Will I make it to Burning Man this year, I am making every effort to get there, but not with the same energy I have had for the last 2.5 years.
As this community takes on fissures and fractures and comes undone I will continue to try and do my best. But it is time to pull the cord on the political discourse.
This is really eating me alive.
Burning Mondays
Burning Mondays happened again tonight over at the Artisan. They plan on doing it every Monday, getting burners together, and discussing various subjects.
I am stuck in a strange place with some people that were there and I am feeling like the politicing is taking over my Burner experience on some levels and ruining things I thought I was working for. I am going to back peddle a bit and see if I can minimize that, but because I am in such a dire position with Cameron Grant it makes it hard.
Cameron has been as much as a good guy as he has been as asshole to me. And the funny thing is he has no reason to be an asshole. He said enough times he hates Burning Man to enough people that he should have resigned well over a year ago when he was hating on me for another whole other bunch of shit.
I can say that seeing some people more has shifted my position on the race to be a new regional. Some of the people I thought would make good candidates I am rethinking and some of the people I questioned I am feeling really good about. There was effort for people on both sides.
Anyway, more and more I am considering the possibility that if they ask me to be a regional, that I will have to decline. OR… accept the role temporarily for a year and move on. I think it depends on who they offer it to.
Sunday Sunday
Today was entirely a waste of a day. What do you do when you don;t get out of bed until 2 hours later than normal? What do you do when either allergy pills may have crossed with other medication leaving me a mindless zombie for a good part of the day. I could get nuuuuuuuuuuthing done today. Not even one creative pimple of juice in me to give.
I’ll say this… I had a good weekend. Considering how crappy my year started, there was a lot of reason to be worried for the rest of the year.
I had a first date with this guy on Friday night and he was really cool. He is only a year younger than me, which is a big bonus, but I am worried that we still have a lot to learn about each other, but hell! We had one date for 3 hours Friday, but we went to dinner last night and curled up on my couch for a movie last night. So nice.
So, time will tell.
As for today… I gave up. There is/was nothing left for me to give today readying myself for bed as I type this. I sincerely hope this year goes somewhere awesome… thanks mom for the support yesterday… it was the best.
Love and Light all
Zzzzt!
Trepidations on moving forward and advancing for life right now. I have a lot of hope on the future and somehow the enablers of the world have me feeling good about believing in myself and thing I can make this art thing work. I really believe in this project and am tweaking it a lot in my head.
Even as I sit here I am looking at how to make this but it’s evolving beyond the original concept. OMG, I just JUST had an epiphany.
Okay, too much to explain right now… got to go.
Hey Sexy
Somehow this morning I seem to have smokers voice… what is up with that? Do I sound sexy, baby? HA HA HA… I already started working this morning after an hour plus wasted on CityVille. Calling metal fabricators to get the materials I need for my art project, then also hoping to get on with all my other plans.
I am worried, very worried, about income versus ability to go to Burning Man this year. I am looking for a job and even though I am doing that I am not working. No income coming in, not really, but what there is is finite.
Anymore surprises like I got for NY’s (my clutch dying on my car) that cost 400$ I did not have to spend and I am toast. For the very grace of God was I able to do anything about it, but it kills me on 2 items I was intent on doing in the next week.
Money donated through the IndieGoGo funding campaign is to stay separate and accounted for. I do not want any blurry lines.
Anyway… I hope all goes well. I have some amazing stuff to offer.
Reflections
Well, the day is winding down and I feel lik the face life of UrielsJournal is basically done. I am sure I will add more over time. I am also very interested in hearing what people think.
Odly, I know people are visiting and reading through these pages and I do not get a lot of comments. I know I used to get a lot more back in time, like through the period when I lived in Boston to shortly after moving to Las Vegas. Maybe I will hear more in the future?
My mom reads these things… unless she gave up on it and ran away because there was too much depressing shit on here. Lord knows I have enough blog sites out there. No… I cannot tell you off handed how many there are. REDCarte.Com, Art23Design.Com, GotNurv.Com and this one are probably the most active of them.
Anyway, I took my sleeping pill a few minutes ago and am waiting for all the wheels in the head to get a guncked up and pass out. You might have noticed my tweet yesterday how FUCKED UP this year has started off with… but it is so wierd that as fucked up as it was that I am still okay.
My mom worries too much about me and I am sure at this point she thinks I am completely off my nut. I am in a good way. I am wanting to be happy in life doing something that makes it worth getting up for everyday… but it’s not been available to me.
My father always told me to keep my head down and nose to the grindston and blah blah blah. He spent his career in a job he hated, because it served a couple purposes. 1. He never had to care about what anyone else thought. 2. He was probably fucking everything he could find while driving his truck. 3. It put food on the table and let him save enough money to retire at 55. So, there is a wisdom in that (point 3 specifically) but he is a miserable, selfish man who … well, let’s just close that baggage before we go any further.
The point is I get his point on that point. Following that? Is it selling my soul to get a job I hate to get through the next day? Is it wrong of me to want to do amazing things with art and such? Food! Yes, making food! If I could I would have a restaurant!
This chick who own Forte Tapas here in Vegas loves art and food and she has her place, but she has to be a lot smarter than me. She has it.
Okay, don rambling tonight. I put the facelife on UrielsJournal and am putting a facelife on GayBurners.Com hopefully finishing tomorrow.
xo
Days gone by
Well, a lot has transpired in my relationship with the Burning Man community since coming back this year. A battle between myself and one of the regionals seems to have come to a head and a letter I wrote to BMorg seems to have been a catalyst for some changes.
I guess as any group, there is some politics that come into play and as I have personally involved myself more the deep I got into it all. I felt like I had to fight the very person who is supposed to be supporting the 10 burning man principles. It was so frustrating because that kind of thing causes fallout which impacts other people directly or indirectly.
In this time I have met and talked to people connected with Burning Man the corporation about problems here and said my point of view. That is I told my perception of the story that really does not need to be revisited on this journal.
Since then 10 people have put their names into the hat to be a regional representative for Burning Man in the Southern Nevada region; half of them really have no business do it because they have no clue about this community. I might have said that about another person on the list of candidates but one of the new people to this community has shown an interesting spirit I can relate to.
It will be interesting to see how this regional role process plays out and how the community embraces or supports these changes. 2 current regionals need to be unseated – period. There are a variety of reasons on those counts.
Of the current candidates, I can say I am genuinely worried about the stability of this region regarding leadership. If I am chosen or asked to take the roll I will, but I can see a rocky path ahead; I hope to be surprised.
The people on the list are so diverse, but there is a ‘click’ in that group that is definitely not a good thing for Las Vegas burners. Unfortunately, I hate sounding like a pessimist, but Burning Man has a blind spot and I think it could lead to the ultimate degradation of everything it stands for and has built.
One thing is certain, the longer this goes on the more fractured Southern Nevada Burners are becoming and have become. Some say nay, but it is unfortunately true. We need a voice that can bring people together and build bridges. We need more from Burning Man than Larry Harvey standing in a bar. We need a dynamic voice like Marian. I do not know Stephen Raspa or a lot of other people, but seriously… we need more.
The New Year
At the end of 2010 I made a promise to myself that I would not put any negative statements on Facebook. I see a few people posting out their personal dramas on there and I do not think people care. Even friends or psuedo-friends as it were.
I’ll say this… 2010 ended in fireworks and 2011 started in ashes and a foot full of dog poop.
In the evening of 12/31 my Chamsa broke off my neck; it is a charm that in the magical world is designed to protect one from evil/demons (one in particular but I wear it as general protection). So, I drove off to the party Friday night and and had an amazing night. BUT! When I was ready to leave after I could not move my car. Some part of the clutch went out so I have to leave it there.
The next day being a national holiday, I could not move it. But Monday I got it to the garage and that bill came to 400$.. every cent I had so now I am broke until next week.
On top of that, my phone is not working correctly and half the buttons will not do anything. Nothing happened to it as far as I know, but I see a separation between the face and the body. Ugh… so irritated.
I know all these things sound minor and little, especially in the face of other people and their bigger issues, but it feels like since the beginning of the year there has been one problem after another.
I’m just bitchin’ because I can I guess.
Along with this rant, I’ll note that Aldo and I broke up on Christmas Day and I was really bummed. He did not deserve me. He blew me off on Christmas and my birthday so those were the coffin nails as it were. He was such a cute, sweet guy and was actually into me but I will NOT be dissed!!!
Okay, more to come soon.
How do you like the new design?