Agent Search

Posted on April 24, 2024April 24, 2024 by scott.kay

So, the process of looking for a literary agent is stressful. I sent my stuff to one yesterday and one today after a lot of scrutiny over the text. I am prone to typos and missing small details that it takes several attempts to review and fix. Sometimes my language sucks, ask anyone around me.

I’m scared and nervous about it. I even signed up for a seminar this week about writing the perfect query letter. And it helped, but I think she wanted to see her services pretty badly and I was not having it. Thanks, but no thanks. I will share my query letter below:

ELDRITCH CRUSADE: Tale of the Four Winds is for readers who love monsters and gothic tomes featuring supernatural beings in a story of colorful intrigue and personal growth. Ultimately it is a story about family and chosen family with a touch of death and dismemberment. It just so happens that the leads are a young witch, a necromancer, vampire, and a Nephilim. There is a climate of uneasiness and inter-species cultural and political dynamics among witches, monsters, and more, that forge alliances as they become embattled by a common enemy who we were taught are supposed to be the good guys – the angels. I chose an unusual adversary who imposes ideologies on communities that were already established, using colonialism as the base of the story.

I hired three editors through Reedsy, in different capacities that included formatting, story development, copy editing and proofreading.

The book is 137,121 words and 431 pages long. Category: Commercial Fantasy/Fiction.

This is currently a trilogy and each book raises the stakes for our heroes, from young men to masters of their arts in magic, to defy extremely powerful forces with the odds set against them.

I am inspired by writers like Anne Rice, Dan Brown, and Steven Saylor for the way they developed unusual characters and made them interesting and admirable, even if they were killers and underdogs

Well, there it is. I changed the title to ELDRITCH CRUSADE because it seemed to fit. There is a whole universe of ideas in this world that can be used in the future. So a franchise is not out of the question. I am so excited about this and have spent 12 years making it what it is.

Heart Break and Self Doubt

Posted on April 22, 2024April 22, 2024 by scott.kay

I have been struggling a long time with who I am and where I want to go in life. At 59 years of age, most people have those questions settled. The vision of who I think I am and how the world responds to me is as different as the shores of an ocean. The gap feels that wide sometimes. I have not always been a good friend to some people and my loyalty to many has been trashed more times than I could count. The truth is also that I have learned a lot about myself in the last fifteen years and have tried to alter that to be as true and honest and good as possible. But, it does not always work.

I get point of my reflections came when I had some diagnosis for PTSD and severe anxiety. Game Changer. Like, serious game changer to understand my behavior and why I am the way I am. That came around 2018/19 or something like that. So, not that long ago. Fortunately, we were moving into a world where people were having more empathy and compassion for people with issues like those. Sadly, not everyone is on board. And because everyone seems to be suffering from anxiety and is self medicating the rest of us get swept under the rug as being weak or broken and not worthy. So freaking frustrating when people you love and care for have no sense of what it means to be in that bubble.

Just curiously I did a search on this site to see what entries I made about this before like this mental health search and anxiety and PTSD with a lot of overlap. (Note: I saw references to my other blogs which are all contained in this version now).

The Reason for this Post

Anyway, the impetus of this post is about a friend who said some very unfriendly things about me and I am still reeling after a month or more. I Invited someone to stay with me in my home who I loved dearly but was worrying that our friendship was being tested. I took off work for the days he and two of his friends were visiting and spent a lot of time with them to see if it was real or my imagination. To me, the weekend was absolutely fantastic on every level. There was some subtle drama here and there, but it did not seem to have anything to do with me.

On our last evening out, he suddenly turned on me and said a lot of really mean things. Critical feedback is one thing, but this was really ugly and mean. Exactly a minute before his attack on me, I was thinking: “Wow, I loved our time together this weekend! Our friendship is solid,” I said to myself. Then – blamo.

We went back to the house. I said nothing. I went up to my bedroom and closed the door and gently let that content pass through me. He came up and started to apologize, but then he dug his heels in deeper. I told him I was not ready to say anything about what he said. I mentioned that nothing he said was kind, helpful, or caring that I needed time to process the information. So, the next morning, calmly we talked. I asked him to let me say what I needed to say. He did and was unapologetic and that was that.

I called him a week or two later and he dug in. It was the moment when I felt a little crack in my heart.

When is “I love you, Scott” a weapon and not an honest expression?

The bigger picture is more messy and would involve me sharing things I can’t. But people around this friend were also letting him down and maybe I got the blowback from it. Maybe I was simply not a good friend. If that is the case then all I can say is thank you for the memories and goodbye. This person was there in a handful of my happiest moments in life. We shared a handful of amazing memories, mostly tied to our mutual Burning Man experiences.

Karma is Real

Some who read this, if at all, might know of several circumstances in my life that I was not a good friend. At least one of them was really high profile. Karma –

“Hinduism identifies karma as the relationship between a person’s mental or physical action and the consequences following that action. It also signifies the consequences of all the actions of a person in their current and previous lives and the chain of cause and effect in morality.”

A person can change their Karma through acts of kindness and empathy. I have been trying a lot harder over the years. I have a lot of regrets and letting them go is really hard. I still think about them in the context that: though I cannot change the past I can do better moving forward. If there is a chance to heal the past then it has to flow into my path and through in order to keep moving ahead, because going backward is not going to work for anyone. A bunch of AA people are turning in their graves with that one.

Melissa, Me, Brian, and Ron

To Melissa**, Grant*, Keith, Eloy, Adolfo and more I ask your forgiveness – because when I knew you I was not ready for what that relationship meant. Did I miss anyone?

*Grant sent me a friend request this week on Facebook and we had a short conversation. It was nice.

**I see Melissa around every here and there and she looks super annoyed I am in the same space she is in. Her and I went through a super dark breakup. Our friendship was pretty special in it’s day, but there was some super dark moments I had to separate myself from. Then some assholes stirred up some drama and pulled me into that caused it all to explode. It played out huge at a Leadership gathering in SF before I moved there in front of everyone. Super crazy. I have since learned more details and – wow. I do not expect the relationship to be repaired but the blast radius was huge and there is still radiation.

Garden Project 2024

Posted on April 21, 2024April 21, 2024 by scott.kay

Well, if anyone has been following the gardening project I started last summer in the new house, a lot of changes have happened since. The idea was refined and a new direction taken in order to make something more sanctuary-like. The Fibonacci concept had to be set aside and I kept some of the elements, but shifted a long way. There are more updates here (link). I have a page dedicated to Las Vegas 2.0 as well as a whole category.

The Garden

Has been a work of love and pain, the story of my life, ha ha ha ha. I have a lot more to do and it will finish with an install of cobblestone within the next year unless I can somehow manage it sooner. Life has so many priorities and we are doing okay financially, but should be doing a lot better. I have been sneaking out and buying plants, but strangely enough I get caught every time. It’s hard to explain why there are new plants in the yard all of a sudden.

Otherwise, the writing project HAS TO BE a higher priority so I can get my book published you can read more about at this (link).

Fundraising Campaign

Posted on April 9, 2024April 10, 2024 by scott.kay

Heya! It’s time for me to put it out there and see if I can get backers for this book I want to self publish. Since I last made an attempt, I went into a deep dive for a bit more work on it. 12 (Twelve) years later it’s time.

I started writing a book based on Fantasy/Sci Fi ideas and as of today have completed a trilogy. Book One is ready to go to press and I am reaching out to people I know to help me achieve publication by raising at least $3k and will publish using BookBaby.Com effectively self-publishing and will get a lot of resources for that money by using this company.
Venmo: @iamscottkay

ELDRITCH CRUSADE
Tale of the Four Winds

This is an adventure in the modern world we live in with supernatural creatures that live in it from monsters, angels, and creatures of ancient origin. Our featured character is a college age member of a lost branch to a family tree of ancient witches whose powers are descended in a powerful bloodline. With the support of a chosen family that include a necromancer, vampire, and a Nephilim, the young witch grows and develops into a strong individual.

The dynamics of family, chosen and born, play out heavily for a young person who lost their close relations as a kid and finds bonds in surprising places. This is a story of adventure and figuring out self, standing against the odds of a powerful anti-hero, but also the trials of adulthood.

Of course there are elements of horror with creatures like these. This story is a steady upward climb of individual triumph and development. The lead character goes from never having been aware of mythical creatures to being a part of that culture.

Want to learn more about it” Check out this link: https://www.iamscottkay.com/category/eldritchtv/
How to donate: Venmo: @iamscottkay

I’m not doing one of the fundraising sites this time because it is just a share of the money I don’t want to give away. And I don; want to have to wait thirty days and so forth.
What does this money do?

I will get immediate publication on Amazon.Com digitally and an ISBN
Print on demand access for stores all around the world and an ISBN
Promotional and Advertising through Book Baby (Of course I will do my own, too)
Copyright
More details: https://www.bookbaby.com/…/complete-self-publishing…

I am also open to a loan. I stand to do okay on this book and it is my challenge to get this book out there and sell it in order to make a path ahead for the next two books which are already written. I invested $4k into editors and that went on CCs, so the following year after that I bought a house and there went all my cash and credit. I’m just not willing to get more revolving debt. Hit me up with questions.

I want to thank you for my first donation, getting me on the road anyway. As time progresses if this is successful I will def thank everyone involved in my appreciation in the book. Asking people for money to support my art is not such a strange thing in the world, but I am also realizing it feels very uncomfortable. We have asked for donations in the past for art projects, theme camps, and other burning man things, but this time the work is done and ready to meet the world. It feels like, and it is, asking for a handout. There is a chance this could start a new and potent direction for me that I always thought was in the cards for my future. Thank you for being a part of that.