stupid schtuff

my outlet for expression has been on[redacted] for the most part in recent weeks. it may even be considered an obsession. but, i ever since i started on mySpace i have been meeting and acquainting with some seriously interesting people. mind you…. i only get to know these people so deeply, but it’s been nice.
today i was exchanging information on a couple of subjects like gay rights and relationships when i came to some revelations about where i am with Adolfo… as much as i love him i am back to the point wherein i feel concerned about our ability to stay together in the long term. it’s been turbulent. it may have become a relationship of convenience…even though we love each other but i do not think we are in-love with each other.
i am pretty sure i burned that bridge at some point… i would have to ask him and i would rather avoid that conversation for now. do i wait so long that my prospects for someone else fade completely?
alas… time will tell and nothing is carved in stone right now. our issues will continue to be played out here on this site even as it changes and takes new shapes!
xo for now

Long Winded….

Allergy season is totaly kicking my ass and I have made my own cocktail of pills to fight it. I take Claritin-D and one of the Pink Pills at the same time. The Claritin wires me and the pink stuff mellows… so together I am even-steven. I worried at first that I was going to end up killing myself with pills, but this has actually made a difference.
I am allergic to female cats… their dandruff anyway. I am also allergic to something blowing off the mountains like pine or something. It sucks!
Tonight is my Friday and I am looking forward to being off. Wednesday I have plans with some guys and it should be way cool. Niko and Micheal are another couple I met through[redacted] and I think I like them alot. Moreover, I think Adolfo likes them a lot too because they seem so nice and so normal. Niko has a daughter from them (she is also on mySpace) and she is as cute as a bug. You can really see her as a young woman as she is maturing and comes across as such a nice young lady.
Whatmore… lately there are times when people want to talk to me and tell me stories that seem to go on forever. I have a very short attention span and if you keep telling me a story that goes on too long I tell you I am going to fade right out of every word. I may be looking at you, I may be ackowledging you, I made nod once in a while…. but not a single word is landing. Almost like this paragraph. This paragraph is about the max I can handle.
I also re-did my dad’s web site [redacted] last night and I think it looks really good. I enjoyed putting it together. I have 2 more sites I want to re-do in the meantime. My uncles and then my cooking sites as well.
The big announcement for me this month is that I have come to terms with the reality that I am not going to achieve what I want out of the cooking opart of my career. I have resigned entirely from making cooking a career and will, instead, make due with that I have. If I.T. is going to be my direction, then so be it. Unless international playboy is an opening I can taken… right.
I plan on taking some more classes soon and just riding the wave until I can move on with my life in a positive direction. I think I let too many people decide for me what I should do. Other people have been allowed to influence my decisions way too much!
Anyway, hope everyone is well.
I talked to Allan today on the phone and we talked abiout his life of lies where he is playing with men then going home and fucking his wife. I just don’t really get these married guys who live secret lives while being married??? There is a LOT OF THAT shit and I really think it’s wrong. I told him he should tell his wife and let the chips fall. He loves her a lot and she knows it… but she got burned by a gay guy once before whom she was engaged to.
Another guy here at work is in a simalar circumstance. It’s wierd, but HE is obsessing over another guy that works here. Obsessing to the point of annoyance.
I also talked to Sam and I really feel for him. I have always loved Sam for a variety of reasons and want to see him happy. I do not understand him all the time, but that is just the differences between people and outlooks on life. I hope that Sam will figure out the direction he needs to go in and get his life going again in spite of some of the shit he was burried in recently. He worries me a lot.
Sam is smart. He is a sweet guy. Sometimes misguided, sometimes he’s a bitch. He is someone you can hug and feel a genuine warmth from.
Terry may be coming to LV next month? I have to send him an e-mail to find out.
Mark posted a comment on this diary remarking about my description of him… I called him a Goth-Guy. Well, certainly I think that is how I sorta saw him. He is an interesting guy I could enjoy working with again if that oppurtunity ever came up. You know those poeple you may have met professionally… if they ever said I could use you… I’d move across country for him.
There are other people too. The people I worked with in Cambridge MA are the same.
I miss HostPro and CambridgePort Bank. Those were places I like to work at.
Anyway… I have carried on too long like I sually do when I have not written in a few days… talk soon….


OMFG is it March already. What the hell happen???? It seems Feb went by so fast… we’re almost a 1/4 of the year into 2006. Well, as it turns out I have been spending a sickening amount of time on[redacted] connecting with people and chatting and stuff.
Terry, check out “austin”, he is someone we graduate with and asked me about you. Of course I told him you were a poll dancer at the Mangina club off the Hollywood Strip and gave hand-jobs for $20… JUST KIDDING!!!!
I told him how well you were doing and if you want to get in touch with him there is a link there. We got updated on some people from High School and it turns out there was a 20 year reunion I guess we were not invited to. Imagine that????
Today I slept the whole day… I feel so good from it. I went to bed 2 Feb at 7:30 in the morning and got up at 8pm that night before going to work…. which is where I am at now. I’ve had nothing but coffee and jelly beans since coming in and I think I am vibrating.
Adolfo was a real DICK to me on Tuesday and I got pissed off and left the house. So the next couple days he was being extra nice to me. I even built him a mySpace thingy connected to mine so he can have a little fun like me! Unfortunately he can be a complete social ‘tard and make it very uncomfortable.
We went out to dinner with a large group of people on Wednesday night at the CheeseCake Factory in Boca Park and had a lot of fun. Kenny was being a poop again. He said he thought Brian was up to something. There were some interesting guys there. I thought it would be all couples, but there were a couple single fellers there. I had what was labeled a “Kobe Burger” that was nothing like Kobe… so skip that. It’s a fat tab for a burger… plllease.
I have been giving Allan a hard time. See, he’s a married guy who like dick. I called him a FAG and he said I was wrong. Later I called him a Queer… he still said no. Then then he told me how he likes masculine men and likes a nice sized cock to play with and I said… uhm, and you don’t thing you’re a fag????
He sounded hurt a little…. I was being mean to him and feel bad about it. He does have a lovely wife and he loved to fuck her a lot. Don’t get me wrong. I am not a black and white guy, I see a lot gray in the world. He’s obviously BI and I am just trying to get him to embrace it a little more.
Al likes to live in a rose colored world… though he has come a LONG WAY in the last couple years with acknowleging reality. His wife though, if she has not figured him out yet, I would be surprised. She almost married a fag once before… then she caught him in bed with another guy. It wrecked her and I think Al is sympathetic to that.
Funny how life is, huh? Al and I have been freinds a long time. We met when I was living in Boston and stayed in touch. He was a complete ASSHOLE for a little while, but I got passed that. I was so mad at him. Al was going to work with me in opening a business here in LV… got me moved here and setup… joined the COC… then poof the money was nowhere to be found. He delacred bankruptcy and all the plans were finished.
That’s all in the past. I do not think I vented over this all that time. IT IS in the past now. I appreciate Al, though, he was trying to be all things to all people. I rather think he still has a journey to travel, because he puts too much faith in the wrong people some times and should (in my opinion) focus on himself more.
But, the BUTT-HEAD keeps dragging his feet about visiting me here in LV. He has not been here since Sept 2001. Hello?????
After all of this ranting he probably won’t want to come.
Al likes ABBA and the web site www.SeanCody.Com….. hmmmm….
Changing subjects… Is this night almost over? Anyway…. Hope all is well! Scott