I am trying to get this working again

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Today I found out a freind of mine from Boston died. His name was Estuardo… he was a good man. He had a huge heart and was one of the best people I have ever known. “Why do the good die young?” I don’t know. Even as I type this my eyes are so swollen I can hardly pay proper repsect to his memory.

Rosa and Estuardo were a sexy, vivacious, diarmingly charming couple with two very handsome sons. Her family is amazing. These two people were two perfectly shaped puzzle pieces that fit.

He had cancer… I found out not long ago and I guess I took it for granted that he would be okay because he had a remarkable spirit. Rosa was a shining light… she radiated so brilliantly that I could hardly imagine Estuardo ever losing track of her.

God… I hope he is in a better place now and is looking at all of us remembering him.

I have been keeping very busy. School working, some assemplabce of a social life. Last night I want to a GodSmack concert at the House of Blues! Oh, I was pure bliss!

I was in the middle of all these skank breeders and saw a lot a skank women. One bitch almost got her achilles tendon cut when the tall cunt stood in front of me and kept flipping her skank Farrah hair all over the place.

Ugh… but I think thoughts like that gave me some bad Karma… because I got the shit beat out of me at work today. Ugh… I hate the fat bitch supervisor that was there. I want her road kill. BUT, she is too fat to get run-over or anything like that. Fat bitch, cunt, dyke from hell, cow.

How do I really feel?????

Anyway, I had a lot of fun there with Keith. The loser brought NO MONEY so he could do nothing after the show. I wanted to gamble, but I got the feeling quickly that luck was against me. ugh…

Anyway, I am heading to bed soon. Got work and school in the morning! Ciao babes!

Some nasty queen wrote a comment from the last entry… alas HE only gave me gas. Anyway, my buddy Keith had come over that night and we had dinner together. He brought a fantastic Pinot Noir and with it we had some pan seared scallops, tomatoe and lentil cous cous, and a spinach salad. It was yummy.

Since then, all I have been doing is going to school and working. I got hired for the wedding I had been interested in doing. It is in the beginning of next month and I am starting to get rather busy on it. I spent hours on the contract today and am waiting for their sign-off. Cross your fingers, because it looks like I am going to make something rather nice.

When it happens I will post pics on my www.halonet.net website.

Otherwise, things have been good. I am still working on my diet, but not really dieting. I’m feeling very fat and wish I had more than 24 hours in a day to get sleep and do the things I need to do. Today was bizzy and tomorrow is HELL!

Right now I am in class getting ready for a mid term, but I was thinking about Gary and some other people whom I wanted to send a shout-out to through my diary. The handsome and sexy Anthony from Chicago dropped me a line today and I was very happy for that!!!!

Anyway, maybe this weekend I can put some of my other thoughts out to the universe. I miss you guys… 🙁

I had 1/2 a bottle of pinot noir an hour and a half ago and I feel … fickin buzzed

I am writing while at school right now. I am fighting to keep awake during a lecture I should be listening to. I am so sleepy and want to go to bed… but I will be reqarded soon I am sure.

No news.. except we met for dinner last Tuesday for Keith’s birthday. We went to FIREFLY; Spanish Tapas fare. I engorged myself on food that will make your head explode! It was soooo delicious. It was so deliscious and made the synapses in my brain fire incontrollably. Best choices were the dates stuffed with an almond, wrapped in bacon, and coated with a sauce. #2 was the duck egg rolls with hoison sauce! Oh, the ceviche was also amazing! And with all of it I had their white Sangria drink. YUM!

No word from Allan as of yet. He got pretty upset with me when we last talked, so I figure this might be as it was meant to be.

Anyway, mom is sick. Adolfo is sick… if I get sick I will go insane. I cannot afford to be ill at all.

I want to quit my job on some days and on others I want to do more in it. School is going to give me more options… I need to go. BI!

School has kept me a little on the busy side. On top of all that, I am trying to do a few things and then forget the other things I want to do. I keep studying with the television on and that is working against me. I have to behave.

I have been stressing a lot lately even over little things. Mostly stupid things. Peopl get on my nerves all the time. I have, in recent weeks, bitched out a few people around me including Keith, Allan, and a few people I know outside this site.

School is going well. I need to get my FAT ass to bed. Nighty!

Saturday night… I am such a dork. I had some plans, but they went up in smoke.

Plan A: go running, try to get to bed early (after Big Brother).

Plan B: Study, watch Big Brother…

Wow.. I am mister excitement.

Other: Have not heard from Allan. have not heard from Sam in a while either.

Sam sent me an e-mail with 2 people as emergency contacts in case he drops ff the earth. One was his dad and one was his ex or something like that. I called his dad today and there was no answer, not even a answering machine. ugh… I feel a little worried.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm….

Tom went back to the doctor today and is cming along very very very well. I am thrilled. His eyes look almost normal. We go back in a month for another e3xpensive follow up. Ugh!

Anyway, as some of you know I am back in school again. I started yesterday and I am back in the position where I do not have enough time to myself. Adolfo is already bothered by it, but understands, because this means I am not as available to him as I was. I go to school 4 days a week… two of the days we usually spend together.

It’s gunna be less than a year and the benefits will outweigh the costs; as it were.

I have to leave very soon for school tonight. I am trying to get some reading done, but I am feeling sleepy. I am getting distracted. Ugh, I gotta get back to it.

Other news: Allan is upset with me. I was talking to him last night and I wondered about something… which he took very personally. Maybe I was being too analytical? I asked him what was the beenfit of his freindship to me or him? I am thinking that I am helping this man live his life in a way that is very self-diestructive.

Now, no one KNOWS who Allan is or WHERE he is. He is a married man who works for a large, foriegn owned company. He has had very small affairs with guys, but loves his wife passionately. They are cute together.

The affair included HER nephew (an adult). It included a few other guys on his travels, but nothing really successful. He’s a dork when it comes to sexuality with men, by his admission (no personal knowledge here). Some of the stories he told me about are absurd, anyway.

He drives himself crazy because he wants to meet someone he can have casual, safe encounters with that strictly involve hand jobs and jerk-offs… whatever. I looked out there and found him a hunky escort to hire and he hired some loser from a local rag and then went to hell.

Allan gets off with his porn. There is so much more with this story that is can get very conveluted here. I asked him to make his own blog, because it would be VERY VERY VERY intersting.

BUT… I wondered what we were doing each other as freinds. He lies to the people in his life about his sexuality, his finances, his basic motives, takes his company resources, keeps these skanky people in his circle; all of whom he puts-on-airs over with to the extreme.

A couple of his “friends” keep asking him for money for this or that, co-sign a loan, bail them out of jail, fix their teeth, get them their STD prevention shots…. ugh. It’s all this mischief, this desception, this shadowy behavior that makes me sick. It’s toxic. It’s self destructive. I am more of a therapist for him than a freind.

So, I pulled back a bit. I told him I would, but Allan got very upset. I think I should pull back a while longer and see where he goes, if I ever know.

Allan: if you get this far reading this…. let’s take a break and maybe you will reconsider where and what you are doing in life. If you’re okay with it all and like the status-quo then we will evaluate that later on whether I can hang around or not. If you gorw, change, accept new ideas… then who knows.

It should be noted that Allan has lost 100 pounds of weight and is making some great changes in his life. He has less than 40 to go…. yeah!

nighty