Burning Man 2011: My Burn

Every year has been so different. This year, different took another dimension. I had the fortune and support to bring a piece of art to Burning Man that did not go over so well, but it was the journey that mattered. I have to tell myself that because there is no way I am going to let all that energy mean nothing.

Getting to Burning Man was at the expense of my sister who really is responsible for the logistics and transportation. I ended up having some stupid HUGE money issues and she generously helped me out. If it were not for her I would have never made. She was an 11th hour add. Burning Man kindly offered me a ticket to help bring the project  to life and I brought Christine on board and thank goodness I did.

In the previous 2 years I stayed with large camps surrounded by friends. This year a small group of friends, many of us linked through Facebook alone, created Area 69. It was a small collective of people and I had my dear friend Freddy was there. Overall we had a really good camp but there was way too much complacency and drama for any burner camp – that always bring a cloud over things.

I had no agenda when I went and I think having Christine there allowed me to go there with fewer expectations. My attention to her was enough that I was able to let go and embrace this time with friends and family. Christine and I have been the closest of all my siblings much of your years growing up. We both have changed so much. Her and I had a hard time connecting steadily, but we had our shining moments.

Burning Man 2011

This might be a part 1 of whatever because there were moments and experiences that shine and some that burned emotionally. It was all enough that left me with some powerful shifts in my identity that I talked about in my personal blog.

My camp was a challenge and as much as I love some people there were moments of extreme pain. It was the magnetic pull of someone’s expectations bringing me into an uncomfortable position several times over and both of us trying very hard to come to a meeting of minds and hearts.

Whatever I am made of, puppy dog tails and sticky snails, I am who I am. At Burning Man I get a chance to add dimension to that and by being completely removed from the default world I get to see the raw definition of me – good or bad – and get to dissect it. When I am able to pull off an undesirable piece of that I am fortunate.

Being there with Christine I was challenged and questioned myself pretty deeply. I was forced to reflect and consider my ability to communicate effectively. I found after some time that as much as she contributed and made things happen her demons were forced on me over and over. Almost every conversation came with some wildly snarky comment spoken under her breath like there was a small leak in the filter that is between the mind and the mouth. I actually wondered if I heard what I was hearing. There was one moment, a funny moment if you were looking at this from the outside, where I honestly thought I was hallucinating her comments. Let’s just say that involved a brownie gifted to me that I will explain in a later post.

Being there with Freddie I was challenged more by his boyfriend whom I have had some issues with. My challenge was to appreciate him more and support Freddie in his love for him. I got to see they really love each other a lot. Although I think Mike makes some bad decisions when it comes to people, I cannot deny how much he loves Freddie and that is all that matters. I learned to appreciate Mike more.

Other members of the camp were like the background characters in a sitcom because there was a lot of dimension from this crew. All were generally lovely people and I think we were connecting for the most part. Whatever drama and stress mostly washed off the backs of most people there. I think we did our best to make a nice camp.

Some people have made it clear they don’t want to camp with each other again. I am remiss that Freddie was so turned off with the drama that he is turned off with the idea of doing a camp like this again. I asked him and Mike to be part of my camp next year and neither are interested. Sigh…

There is sooooooo much more… my dog is demanding to go outside and I need to go to bed soon. More to come…

Posted in Burning Man, Trip Report.

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