I have not written anything here since coming back from Burning Man probably because I really have not completely landed. When I try putting the puzzle pieces together I am finding they did not really fit.
When I sit here looking at the screen determined to write something there are too many things trying to get out at the same time. I will, for your information, be writing more on my burner blog talking about my actual experience out there but these pages are for me. My burner blog is on this site too here.
Anyway, this may sound cliche, but I am back and changed down to my soul. There is this vein of anger I am missing and left somewhere and the way the universe works I pity the soul that may have taken that energy into him, her or other. Not trippin’ either. When you read the burner blog maybe you will understand… if you do.
I did come back determined to put a foundation under my feet. There was an unexpected upheaval in that plan when my wallet was left in Reno. It basically forced me to put life on pause a moment longer and make some evaluations. In that I updated my portfolio site called StudioSK. I don’t want that any more… I am sick of technology and am burnt out on it.
The burning desire to be creative and put my art out there kinda got a kick in the groin too. My art piece Final Passage was a ship wreck. All the work and all the energy I put into the piece itself was a total failure. I did take away the journey as the win in this case, because the people I was able to work around and I hope I learned something. In fact an idea for my next art piece can be very exciting.
One big issue is the problems I have had with my birth father. This is a demon that haunted me a long time and 2 years of therapy only took me so far. The anger that was inside of me and the pain of struggling with the life of being with him in my formative years was more damaging than I ever imagined.
Without sounding crazy, which some people think I am anyway, a woman named Gigi and a man named Coop helped me strip something out of me that left me softer. It left me more fluid. It took away a lot of anger.
No. My sails are unfurled and I feel like I am in the sea. I root out the people who cause pain and I refuse to acknowledge their attempt to pull me down. I look into your projection of pain and your false empathy and let it roll right past me. I am like the wind and you are the trees and I will become water and you will be the rocks.
I am rediscovering my spirit and I will not let you take that away from me. Let me tell you your spirit is important too. When you try to steal mine you are losing a bit of yours.