How do you spend a weekend working on something, building something, and then find yourself sitting along on a Monday realizing nothing feels right. How does the world turn on it’s ear so quickly?
I have not been posting much here because a lot of the things I need to talk about are things I can’t put into the public domain, as far as my mind is concerned, just have some discretion. Yet, that is not really what this kind of thing is all about.
I feel so completely insecure about where I am in the world that there are moments it is overwhelming. I take meds for anxiety and other stuff for stress and more and I can’t help but think that are they worth it. I stopped for a short while on one of them and found myself struggling a lot.
Reflecting on it altogether, I find myself struggling on them as well. Just before work I sat down on my couch and realized the world felt like the walls were very close and getting closer. That complete and absolute failure loomed over my head. That no matter how much I want some things in life I am not worthy of any of it.
This is what is on my mind.