I just came back from another Regional Burning Man event called TOAST. Now I have something to compare it too, because a couple weeks ago I was at Dark Skies.
I was thrilled to see more gay people at TOAST and more people who seemed to have less hangups on their own sexual identity. Here I am in the mid west and I am meeting people who has less baggage about who they were. It was a beautiful thing to be around what was mostly an Arizona crowd.
Dark Skies on the other hand was actually HELD in Arizona, but on the opposite end of the state. The vibe was completely different, though that basic themes and social awareness was the same.
It seems that the bodies of people in different groups (regionally) have different interests. While my Dark Skies people are more lifestyle oriented, the people of TOAST are more community structures… or something like that.
So, as I delve more deeply into this world I have to be prepared for something more. I meet people I would really like to know more and people I develop feelings for and still feel I can take those relationships only so deep. As much as I feel embraced by some – want to embrace others – I still feel I can only take it so far. There is still this bubble around them and I.
Maybe this bubble is something normal I have not had to face before – or perhaps am seeing it differently. Alas, we are just people on our own journeys.
One of the things I am constantly aware of and see in each of the people I have met is a standard in the BM Dogma; radical self-expression. It’s a true individualism and non-judgemental position.
So, if anyone is reading this and exploring their journey to BM – or comparing mine to theirs – it’s not something you can do in a snap. Going into the Playa with what I have collected along the way is something I will value.
BTW – I am going to Element-11 in June. Coming along?
that bubble is your self-defense mechanism, honey. self-preservation. it stems from mistrust of others and their intentions, and it grew around you gradually over your lifetime as people you trusted or believed in let you down in one way or another. it actually cripples you. it makes you doubt others' sincerity or "realness", makes you doubt your own validity, keeps others at arms length. perpetuates fear and self doubt. once you let go of what others think or say or do, and just be who you are, live your own truth, you are free.
i'll give you an example. my boyfriend's family is not touchy feely. they don't hug or say i love yous even though clearly they all love each other dearly. when i go for dinner, i hug and kiss all of them, once when i arrive, and once when i leave. if i worried they would all feel weird about it, or think i was too forward, it would then be awkward and feel forced, not genuine. so i just be me, and i hug them as i would anyone else i care about. i just be myself. i give that hug/kiss genuinely, and not one of them pushes me away or even stiffens up. point is, people are afraid to offer affection/love but never blanch at receiving it. people like people who like them, i never got this for the longest time. i always felt like the outsider because i waited for others to embrace me first, and when they didn't i felt rejected, maybe rejected them as a result of the perceived rejection by them. since i have started offering my smile, my openness, the love i have inside first, i have learned it is the trick to connecting with others. be who you are, and open your heart first; you will be amazed how quickly you pop everyone else's bubble, liberating them. and if you live your truth, no one can hurt you.
actually, i am going to look up a quote by marianne williamson, nelson mandela used it in a speech and it sums up everything i am trying to say … hang on while i google it! (ps i am not some religious nut so the use of god is not meant in any particular religious sense)
k, here goes:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."