I deleted the post I made recently talking about a guy I fell for… more like fell on my face. That is exactly how dating has been for me lately. I really feel a strong connection to someone and find out how alone I am in the idea. Frankly, my whole romantic life has been a disaster anyway.
Yes, I know I got out of a relationship for 5 or 6 years with Adolfo last year. Well, that was in the shit-can 1/2 the time. He was always mad at me for something anyway whether I earned it or not.
I must be a real shit???? Someone let me know or give me feedback on this one, because I am dying to know. I can cook. I like to have fun. Travel – good. Looks – not horrible. Gregarious nature… good right? Yes, busy a lot and slight obsessive over dumb ideas… but otherwise I am not a horrible catch?!?!?!????!!!!???
Dating this year:
1. Kio or Kia or something like that – Japanese guy from last summer while I was in Portland. I got the “I’m not looking for a relationship b.s. on date #3 – then we dated for 2 months-ish and I was dumped … lied to about the reason, but dumped. (this is me rolling my eyes)
2. After a long dry spell – Jesse – hot Mexican guy here in LV. Connected and still connect on some levels when I see him around. I got the “…no relationship” speech on the tail of the 1st date – I said… why are we discussing this? This is only our first date…. good God I am in hell!
3. Was recent… Ben – another Mexican guy who I fell for really fast. Too fast… stupid fast. I am in a serious relationship deficit. Not used to not dating someone… I like the companionship!?!?!?!?!
Honorable mention goes to Ondreg… damn sexy Boston boy. If I was in Boston I swear I would have married this guy. He warned me he falls too fast and hard for someone… that would have been a Fusion Reaction, huh????
Alas, I am alone. I hang out. I have fun. People offer sex and stupidity and out of all of it I I am still empty handed. Those closest to me might have a clue, but the frustration is just draining.
Today I met another guy who look really cool… yeah, in Mexico! Another one of the unobtainable…. I am batting swell.
This gives me gas.
Scotters!
What drives you to constantly be in a relationship? Do you not like being alone? Are you uncomfortable being by yourself? Or do you feel you are incomplete unless you have someone to share life with? This seems to be the regularly recurring issue in your relationships.
You know I just want you to be happy in your own skin and with who you are. If that one dude gave the no LTR speech on the first date, you may be giving off vibes that you are seriously wanting that. There is nothing wrong with that, but if it is that evident then maybe something is driving it you should try to understand.
Just some thoughts….
G***
My own skin is flabby and is choking the life out of me… god, that sounded dramatic. I want the companionship pretty badly. I am alone for a reason. My parents still think Adolfo was my solution, but I do not think that was meant to be. We were a strong force together, but apart we do okay. I’ve been having fun… but life is still a little mundane. I am trying new things. Trying to meet new people. But I am in a the city of pure dysfunction… I’ll never meet anyone here. I choose hanging out or settling down. Frankly, no one wants me for much more than a screw.
Gary – Since this incident I have has a couple of occasions where my heart fluttered and I got fixated on guys I thought I wanted to obsess over. Well, after today I thought about it a little more. Not sure what the motivation is, but I am sure this troubled psyche is just gunna take a day at a time. I worry most that I will spend the rest of my life alone… but I ain’t lonely.