sherwood lost / other regrets

School is wrapping up for the quarter and I am just thrilled; my stress level is way above a 10. I am getting to the point of “acceptance” for these grades and it looks like I am going to tank in 2 of the my classes; I am not used to doing poorly. I am a B+ student.

I got another e-mail from Sherwood this week, too. Pure evil. Drug addicts have a really fucked up view of the world. I thought a couple days about posting it in here, but the rabble and the evil in it is just not worth acknowledging. He sent it to all of my family and it was just… oh my hell.

It’s all good… you reap what you sew as they say. Drug addicts looking at getting evicted are going to be forced to look at their lives and re-asses where they are in the world. You can’t get a free ride in a huge house in a good neighborhood and not expect to pay for it.

Whatever… I’ll update a little more this week. Funny how things happen in groups. I have been hurt but a few people closely related to me recently; betrayed. On the other hand another realtive really showed a lot of love and support. I recently tried to extend a hand to a couple relatives I have and though there was a real offer to it… I think it was very trite. So… maybe it’s time to get over it.

Last night I was talking to a friend of mine about regrets. I have a ton… a ton of regrets in my life I am still living with. All of them with people I loved dearly. It really tears at my heart to look back and take inventory.

  • missing out on “what could have been” with Micheal B back in Lancaster
  • leaving the air force when I did
  • leaving Ron in in the early 90’s eventually resulted in him making some poor decisions and he ended up dying
  • missing out on the last year of Erwin’s life and showed up at his funeral feeling like a complete ass
  • jerking my mom around on a money issue in 1990 as well, one I think she has since forgiven me for – I think
  • cheating on John B in Long Beach and giving my love to someone who did not deserve it in an ugly love triangle
  • moving to Portland
  • leaving Adolfo

not in any particular order… we can take it chronologically if you like… so there are most of my biggest regrets. I have regrets in life and people say you should not live your life with them. Now the question is “how” do you shed them? …therapy?

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