one more day…

Your emotions are charged with fury today, dear Capricorn, and you might feel explosive. Make sure you find healthy outlets for this energy, and put it to good use. Direct your action outward, and notice the incredible impact that you have on others. Your intuition is a special gift that you should treasure and use wisely. Not everyone has the sensitive nature that you do.” – at first I thought this meant anger. Like explosions of anger for whatever reason, but maybe it’s more regret and sadness? Those moments hit me sometimes and are overwhelming. The weird thing is what triggers it. Last night’s Chef Ramsey triggered a serious waterfall. I was literally doubled over for a couple minutes.

These days are filled with mixed blessings. There are some people who see me a certain way and do not realize I am really a very sensitive person… and not the schizophrenic kind. I literally have prayed nightly since I was a teenager (accept when not alone; because this was always a private thing), but I am outing myself in here because I feel different inside and am going through some kind of transition.

I am also going to admit something… sorta putting myself out more than usual (not that hardly anyone is reading this thing… let alone adding their comments)my greatest fear is that I could end up losing my apartment and my car and end up homeless, and the scariest thing is that …that reality is looming on the horizon. I had security for 5 years because Adolfo made twice what I made, but I am on my own. I am very alone… and I can’t ask my family for money. It just sucks… I am hustling to make money right now… not to mention keep up with school.

In a recent entry (from Saturday I think), I wrote how I felt paralyzed and invisible one day. I write how I felt the ground beneath my feet cracking and sinking.

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