distress – red light flashing

I woke up about 4 am this morning so stressed out and worried about everything. This is not my first anxiety attack here. In as many as 3 previous occasions I have gone into some meltdown. I moved to Oregon with goals in mind and since arriving I feel most of these goals have been steam rolled and smashed. I am worried…

I went to the school yesterday and it was an absolute disaster. While I was speaking to the school adviser it was becoming clear that in spite of my grades, in spite of my focus, I am behind educationally compared to the other people here in Portland. I can see exactly what he is talking about giving what I know versus what he said I should know.

No job as of yet and no income. I’m sitting here going broke and feeling like this could become something horrible. Certainly something has to happen. My resources are drying up and even if I just gave up and packed it all in and took off to anywhere else I could not afford it.

I feel like just giving up.

Oregon is lovely and there are some really nice things about being here… the weather, SOME of the people, and that some of my family is here and I really like everyone a lot. I have a nice space that I live in. I’ve met a couple of nice people and there is one in particular who has been of particular importance.

…this trip and move has been a dismal failure so far. I wish I had faith that it would improve. I am very very worried. S

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