Sam I am…

I am worried about Sam. He worries me a lot. In fact the last few years he has been going topsy turvey through life. He is one of the most intellegent people I know, but has managed to get himself into a pickle of a “space” in life. He told me today… “I am ready to die”.

Now, this does not surprise me. I does stun me a little, because he has been talking like someone who is just giving up. Not yet 30 years old. Extremely attractive. One broken sucky relationship long past and destroyed. One incredibly self-distructive relationship later after that. There is the young pumpkin named David whom he adores WHOM he could have a good life with but there are more issues preventing him from continueing.

Sam has a heart condition which seems to limit his energy and occasionallyhis common sense (take your pills!). He is also a bit of a drug addict; how far that goes I do not know. There are a couple other slightly less PC issues but I won’t get into that.

He has also done somethings in life I find quite admirable. Sam converted to Judism and was an active participant in that community for a long while. He has recently taken up Kaballic Astrology.

See the conversation now: AIM Text:

(note: some content has been edited of a personal nature)
Start of LBjoyboy buffer: Fri Dec 16 02:30:22 2005
[00:44] LBjoyboy: hey you : )
[00:45] Tuiel: hey sexy
[00:46] Tuiel: this is late….
[00:46] Tuiel: this is late for you?
[00:58] LBjoyboy: well i just want to liked for my BRAIN
[00:58] LBjoyboy: 😉
[00:58] Tuiel: i like all of you… how about them apples?
[00:59] Tuiel: top to toe
[00:59] LBjoyboy: apple pie 🙂 warm apple pie 🙂
[01:00] LBjoyboy: so yeah, ive been working hard on my book
[01:09] Tuiel: so, where is my astro chart????
[01:09] LBjoyboy: omg i have it here somwhere i swear
[01:10] Tuiel: uh…..huh…… bring it over
[01:11] LBjoyboy: since ive been writing this book i have been feverishly writing and collecting research material. im loaded down with literally hundreds of pages of notes on this damn drive. which reminds me i need to back up this week.
[01:14] LBjoyboy: but the link i sent you shows some of what im doing, some good stuff. now i can finially prove to assholes like me that I KNOW EVERYTHING I AM ENLIGHTENED
[01:14] Tuiel: i already know that!
[01:14] LBjoyboy: its not as exciting as it sounds, enlightenment but i recommend it for the education 😉
[01:14] Tuiel: enlightenment?
[01:14] Tuiel: hmmmm
[01:18] LBjoyboy: but yeah i figured i needed to write a book, have to do something with my studies on Kabbalistic astrology other than just scare the shit out of people with it
[01:18] Tuiel: yeah? is mine scary?
[01:18] LBjoyboy: umm. i wouldnt say scarrrryyyy
[01:19] Tuiel: oh my
[01:19] LBjoyboy: its like this, you move around a lot
[01:20] Tuiel: not news
[01:20] LBjoyboy: that means that your fortune changes a lot baby
[01:20] Tuiel: yes, that is true
[01:22] LBjoyboy: you see the Talmud tells us to change ones mazal, their fortune, the should move or change their name. in abrahams case he did both…and he was the first jew so he must know something on the subject (especially considering the Greeks, Indians and Romans all claimed he was one of the earliest if not first great astrologer)
[01:22] LBjoyboy: you were born close to here…
[01:23] Tuiel: yes
[01:24] LBjoyboy: i therefore take van nuys and the time of birth and read from that to understand who G-d gave to the world. however, when i look at the passing planets for now and current events i wouldnt read from the sky of van nuys i would do it for LV,
[01:27] LBjoyboy: and since you live there I would redraw your chart, using the same birth time but from location of LV. this doesnt change alot on your birth personality chart when using LV but Boston or China for that matter would reflect very differently. its because your rythem is now responding to the sounds of the universe from some other chair in the audiance and it might not sound so good from there
[01:27] LBjoyboy: ya see?
[01:28] Tuiel: uhm… pretty much.
[01:28] LBjoyboy: LV seems to be limiting for any good chance at startups or homebased business
[01:28] Tuiel: intersting
[01:28] Tuiel: i have 2 home based businesses here now… neither is really strong
[01:32] LBjoyboy: do you have siblings?!
[01:32] Tuiel: 1 biological sister
[01:32] Tuiel: 3 step sisters
[01:32] Tuiel: 4 step brothers
[01:33] LBjoyboy: interesting.. yeah i see some siblings with Sun in third house…. never made mention i dont think ,but this would signify that they mean quite a bit to you
[01:34] Tuiel: true
[01:34] LBjoyboy: sorry, just caught me off guard. your a bitch so i would have assumed an only child haha
[01:35] Tuiel: yeah, you would know
[01:35] Tuiel: takes one to know one, mary
[01:35] Tuiel: ha ha ha
[01:35] LBjoyboy: this also means sun in 3rd that you are curious… but like to communicate your learning equally
[01:35] Tuiel: uh huh…?
[01:35] LBjoyboy: you love to research and investigate things especially
[01:35] Tuiel: i can see that
[01:36] LBjoyboy: yup, curiousity or nosey, call it what you man… like A1, its in there.
[01:37] LBjoyboy: sun is in capricorn
[01:37] Tuiel: tht’s me
[01:37] LBjoyboy: your mr practiciality
[01:38] LBjoyboy: thats because your farsighted in planning and tend to move towards being the great provider
[01:38] LBjoyboy: you have clear vision so therefore you are happy when in control
[01:39] Tuiel: seehow I am… I would say these sound accurate
[01:39] LBjoyboy: but sun is sextile saturn, you tend to pile up tasks and responsibilities. it takes a lot for you to become overloaded
[01:40] Tuiel: interesting
[01:40] LBjoyboy: it just makes your personality gritty, and you probably tend to be the office snob that actually works well with authorities
[01:41] Tuiel: is this astrology or expereince talking?
[01:42] LBjoyboy: this is what your chart tells me. i dont write it im just the diva that sings this sad sad song 🙂
[01:42] LBjoyboy: omg Scorpio MOON. your a cheater!!!!
[01:42] Tuiel: bitch
[01:42] Tuiel: moi????
[01:43] LBjoyboy: cheat cheater pumpkin eater. neptune and pluto aspecting your moon. omg i cant believe it, your a mindfucker 🙂
[01:43] Tuiel: oh my hell….
[01:44] LBjoyboy: do you really sit there and secretively study and examine the psychology of people
[01:45] Tuiel: oh yeah!
[01:45] Tuiel: all the time
[01:45] Tuiel: i took all my psych undergrad
[01:45] LBjoyboy: what is it that your really doing with yourself. your chart is squealing on you
[01:45] LBjoyboy: haha
[01:45] Tuiel: it’s all true so far
[01:45] LBjoyboy: ill be damned
[01:46] Tuiel: will you?
[01:46] LBjoyboy: most likely
[01:46] Tuiel: does this make you think differently about me?
[01:46] LBjoyboy: queen of the damned
[01:46] LBjoyboy: anne rice
[01:46] Tuiel: yes yes yes
[01:46] Tuiel: read it twice….
[01:46] Tuiel: anyway…
[01:47] LBjoyboy: yeah, but i fuck a lot of scorpio types. i like the fun of their nasty kinky nature and watch them pretend they were an innocent bystandard and do it all over again during the next lunch break
[01:49] Tuiel: yes, I’ve been down that road with you once or twice
[01:49] Tuiel: i like that road.. 🙂
[01:49] LBjoyboy: im not turned off by it, yeah i think differently of you… but ive alway had more fun with the whores than temple virgins in at delphi 🙂
[01:51] Tuiel: ha ha ha
[01:51] Tuiel: well… you know how I always felt about you.
[01:51] Tuiel: in spite of my… weaknesses
[01:52] LBjoyboy: i called myself molly homemaker… bitch you have moon sextile mars in virgo, you
pour your energy into people around you, but you want them around you and this is because you need them close as you beautify your home and surroundings
[01:53] LBjoyboy: somehow this makes you both feel more inspired, from your minds eye. ahhh… you like to be the coach and inspire younger people
[01:53] Tuiel: okay, now your hitting on things that are true, but eerily accurate
[01:53] Tuiel: interesting….
[01:53] LBjoyboy: i dunno, i might disagree with your chart. when i was just a child you fucked me more than inspired me 🙂
[01:53] Tuiel: very interesting
[01:54] Tuiel: ha ha ha… it wasn’t inspirational?
[01:54] LBjoyboy: i dunno, people say OMG a lot as they fuck my tight ass, go figure
[01:54] Tuiel: it was a holy expereince for me
[01:55] Tuiel: we are degenerating here
[01:56] LBjoyboy: moon oppsite jupiter; its probably very hard for you to get help and support for matters of career and vocation decissions
[01:56] Tuiel: oh how true
[01:56] LBjoyboy: this is because you tend to go against the flow and seldom follow whats popular
[01:56] Tuiel: this is very interesting
[01:57] LBjoyboy: so you perfer to go at it alone
[01:57] Tuiel: true
[01:58] LBjoyboy: when surroundings and home suffer because of career choices however, you do have a strong ability to brush of gooey sentiment, your or otherwise, and stick to your task
[01:59] Tuiel: true again
[02:00] Tuiel: now you know too mcuh
[02:01] LBjoyboy: moon sextile uranus though tells me you would do best marketing something related to the enviroment youve built around you
[02:02] LBjoyboy: when you have brilliant insight it tends to be about your support system and environment
[02:02] LBjoyboy: you are always finding new ways of making a living (duh, even i know that hehe)
[02:03] LBjoyboy: you probably tend to have unique ideas about the past, history and younger people. you like the unusual and different and like surrounding yourself with the like.
[02:04] Tuiel: cool
[02:04] LBjoyboy: its okay, your mother was eccentric with your upbringing so thats where you get it from 🙂
[02:05] LBjoyboy: moon sex pluto… ah mr counsellor
[02:05] Tuiel: yes, very true
[02:05] Tuiel: huh???
[02:05] LBjoyboy: thats your mission
[02:05] Tuiel: to be a sex counselor????
[02:06] LBjoyboy: people tend to feel you are fearless when going into deep emotional stuff so they trust you with theirs
[02:06] Tuiel: this is the oddest one yet… this one seems ot be off base a bit????
[02:06] LBjoyboy: lol. dirty dog
[02:07] Tuiel: what now?
[02:07] LBjoyboy: i said people, not your own love life i stress
[02:07] Tuiel: hmmm……
[02:07] Tuiel: oky!
[02:08] LBjoyboy: your firery; loyal but. umm… can i say intensly possisive at times
[02:08] LBjoyboy: feelings of attachment = hot times though
[02:09] LBjoyboy: moon is in 1st house, your good for public image… your best when naturually basted in the limelight
[02:10] Tuiel: yeah baby!
[02:10] LBjoyboy: oh well, mercury in sag
[02:11] Tuiel: what’s that?
[02:12] LBjoyboy: your more interested in the eternal answers than the trival details of matters
[02:13] Tuiel: i can see that
[02:13] LBjoyboy: you like the bare lean truth
[02:13] Tuiel: again, true
[02:14] LBjoyboy: mind tends to wander and likewise LOVVEEEE to travel . who’da thunk it? 🙂 [02:14] Tuiel: he he he
[02:15] LBjoyboy: mercury is in second house, your practical and conservative in business, good mind for buss.
[02:15] Tuiel: yes
[02:16] LBjoyboy: okay… im not touching this one… you better take an automated answer to shis one buddy…
[02:17] LBjoyboy: getting personal with you is a real mistake, for it always manages to plunge you into turmoil. You resent probing on the part of others, yet are fascinated by behind-the-scenes and so-called “secret” information. You may prefer not to think about anything below the surface, but even this is not a constant, and this inner conflict produces more than its share of tension.
[02:17] Tuiel: i like that
[02:17] LBjoyboy: interesting
[02:17] Tuiel: i don’t know about the plunge into turmoil part though
[02:18] Tuiel: there is a turmoil… maybe I can relate. Like with you for example….
[02:19] Tuiel: i feel very close to you, much closer than you are to me… i think. I want to care and protect you very much as a close close close freind, but I am not allowed to…. does that make sense or sound a little psycho?
[02:19] LBjoyboy: yeah, thats a complicated one. im a sagiattrius i try to becareful about sag statements that i make cuz we are too damn opinionated
[02:19] Tuiel: if i could i would have you in my life much more
[02:20] Tuiel: ha ha ha
[02:20] LBjoyboy: i know sweeties. i see that
[02:20] Tuiel: yeah, well. ‘nuf said i gues….
[02:20] Tuiel: about that anyway.. tell me more
[02:20] LBjoyboy: but as dionne warwick knows “young hearts run free” 🙂
[02:21] Tuiel: how does that apply to you?
[02:21] Tuiel: meow!
[02:21] LBjoyboy: but dont call her psychic network, you cant have someone telling you the plan of the universe when she doesnt even know the way to san jose
[02:21] Tuiel: ha ha ha!!
[02:22] LBjoyboy: your a saint, honestly. youve give far too much of yourself (but thats just me speaking, im not staring at Uranus or anything
[02:23] Tuiel: ha hah a
[02:23] LBjoyboy: oh… automation time… Mercury Square Mars – you have a hair-trigger temper and it takes little to set it off. Your sharp tongue is well-known and you use it before you have time to think, resulting in little mental and verbal explosions that you regret later. The sad part is that half the time you don’t even mean what you may have said in anger. What is clear to those around you is that you communicate as much with your feelings as with your words. People learn to look at what you do, rather than what you say. Your mind is very, very sharp. The less said the better.
[02:23] Tuiel: my feelings have never been anything but what they are, my dear. it’s hard to explain….
[02:25] Tuiel: did i scare you off?
[02:25] LBjoyboy: no, not at all
[02:25] Tuiel: my goodness, you have known me so long.
[02:26] LBjoyboy: i know, i almost look fully pubescent now
[02:26] LBjoyboy: 🙂
[02:27] Tuiel: oh please sally sue….
[02:28] Tuiel: i dunno… i don’t know how much you can read into me other than this. but it is so interesting how much insite you got into the real me from this astrological reading.
[02:28] LBjoyboy: humm… i dont know about this one… but this is what it says….
[02:28] Tuiel: the good, bad, and fugly
[02:29] LBjoyboy: upiter Opposite Neptune – your vocation may be less than ideal and not what you dreamed it could be. Chances are that you have chosen the course you are on now, ignoring other more imaginative solutions. If you have abandoned your dreams, the likelihood is that you did it deliberately and with the eyes open. You may fear being carried away by your imagination, or perhaps you see a more ideal existence as some form of escape. You worry about being deceived or seduced by own your dreams.
[02:30] Tuiel: oh my gosh! this is exactly true!
End of LBjoyboy buffer: Fri Dec 16 02:30:22 2005

Posted in Uncategorized.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.