Imagine standing in the eye of a hurricane. All around you is the storm and you can see things in that wind that is swirling around you:
- Adolfo and my commitment.
- My ability to love Adolfo.
- My weight and self-image issues.
- My future happiness
- My desire to fullfill something inside of me…. (I’ll explain more later)
Anyway, I have had time when I wanted to leave Adolfo. A major catalyst recently was our trip to Disney where he rabidly assaulted my feelings in the lobby of the Hotel as I was checking in. If there is one thing anyone who knows me should respect is that do not EVER EVER EVER call me out in public. That is your tombstone in my eyes….
On the other hand I cannot imagine being without him in my life. I go out daily and think about him. I love being next to him in bed. I love being next to him on the couch. I love being out in the world with him. His assets include an amazing ability to be charming when he is in the right mood. He is charming, sweet and humorous when he wants to be.
Adolfo has called me out and embarrased me so many times I cannot keep count. He did it at Disney, he did it at a networking and school event at Jillians last year, he did it at a couple parties.
But, that is what I have to live with huh?
As far as that something inside me is concerned… I want to travel. I want to embrace the world. God willing I would be a Anna Jolie if I could. I saw a picture of a Spanish coast line and I deperately want to go there. I dream about going to France with such a passion that you can only imagine. Amsterdam sparks a curiousity in me; before meeting Adolfo I planned on moving there and retiring one day. I love Italy and dream about returning there too.
These are the ties that bind…. so I am fulfilled by my own imagination and dreams.
No, Gary darling, this was not just to get your goat. I actually think and get stuck on these things! The fact I feel stuck right now is my own hubris.