Time seems to be moving faster than last year … it is as if I was celebrating Christmas yesterday. New Year’s went by in a flash as well.
My last entry has me bitching and whining about my birthday. It was not completely horrible, just me. I was in a mood all day long.
On Christmas (See List) I got some nice things. I also had a household of people… which is something I always wanted, but this apartment was just too small! I love my parents, but they are high maintenance. The love me… and I love them… so I guess it is worth it over all.
I have been so tense and wound up over so much. I have some issues I need to get a grip on. I need to find a new rung to grip on to… because I am running into too many walls. No one wants to hear about my problems and I certainly do not believe in airing too much laundary …. there are a lot of people worse off than me though.
I feel like this is going to be a time of transition for me as well. Even my horoscope at www.astrologyzone.com reflects that… I look there when I want to see what is forcast for this Capricorn.
On top of everything listed above, I am really questioning the survivability of my relationship with Adolfo. I see the next couple months as makers or breakers… I have to decide if I want him… the reason I have to really think this out is because I have made some harsh decisions in my past when it came to relationships and I end of regretting them even to this day.
I walked out on 2 relationships and one leave me that I regret… I hate that word “regret”….
1. Ron Herrera in ’93 … I left him because I felt he was disrespecting me. Our last conversation had him holding a screw driver out saying he would kill me. He was so angry…. he would never hurt me for real. But the break up was to traumatic and premature… he started seeing someone very soon after and both of them contracted HIV and soon after Ron died. I never got to tell him how much I loved him.
2. Brian (Monkey) in ’99 …. I left him because I felt he did not repsect me either. He had a freind named Victor who was sooooo manipulative. As I sit here tyiping this I think of Smeegle/Gollum when I think of this guy. Anyway, I felt Brian was choosing his freind over me and I walked out on him… but there was a point where we came back together and it did not work out at the time. The irony is that Brian wrote me and told me he understood where I was coming from ebcause the relationship that follwed was like a reverse.
3. James in ’96 … he dumped me after I proclaimed my love for him. I waited for more than a year for him to come to his senses and realize his love for me… guess what…. that never happen. I saw him in ’01 and he still looked really good. He gave me his number, but I lost it…
This is turning into a book… I’ll rtry and write more another day. Scott