2014 September Check-in

Good morning world. I looked at my analytics and it seems like people are still coming to my site, but seem to be looking at the pages with naked pics on them first. Not me, but from the 2012 Naked Bike Ride I participated in back then. It was a lot of fun, but something about this site and what it was set up for has somehow drifted.
photo 1Seems I find it harder and harder to write here and post because I am so busy doing other projects and avoiding some important things I need to be doing. It’s all about avoiding what needs to happen for what I want to happen. I want to live life on my own terms, but the delusion is that my terms are so vague and unsolved that I remain behind this computer lost in my fantasy world.

  1. Burning Man : my theme camp Sun Guardians : for two months before Burning Man in August 2014 I worked on that camp almost full time. Then when I got back I was so lit for fixing the problems of this year and making next year better that I ran full force into re-writing a plan for 2015. [my BM blog]
  2. my Writing : I have been writing since I was a teenager and am pretty damn good…. if I must say so myself. My work is contemporary and filled with colorful characters. I wold love to be published but I have no idea where to start and damn am I ready.
  3. my web sites : 2 burning man sites : queerburners.com : I can spend all the time I have in a day working on those. Hell, look at this site. I redid the whole design for it and the Burning Man part of it in a day.

10620556_1472234099668085_4276812698845279216_nWhat am I avoiding?

  1. job hunting : I need to find something that I can do to earn a living. I have become a red splatter on the pavement of the employed and am only just realizing how wrong I have taken life. Train Wreck. Bad Acid Trip.
  2. place to live : yes, I am currently homeless again. I am crashing with the boyfriend/partner. While it is good to be with him on this level and we are still strong with each other I left my last place because: hated living there, place reeked with mold, and more. I just had to get out of there thinking it would propel me forward… seems I am still stuck in the sling-shot.

I am taking this time to set money aside and do some things in the meantime. I have a month left to start getting some tread and figure out where and who I am. I want out of San Francisco… god yes!!!! Looking at East Bay, Portland, Seattle and maybe maybe Reno.

Another Week Gone

New rule… don’t apply a title to these entries until it is actually written. Usually it never finishes the way it was intended to begin. Including but not limited to applying new rules – as such.
This has been a hard week and it does not seem to be getting any easier. The universe is handing me one challenge over another dealing with them is getting steeper. I know the minute I bitch too much about one angle of the equation there shall come another that will knock me over as well.
It’s hard to reeeeeallllly bitch too much because I know so many people in the world have it much worse off. Every day I walk through this city is testimony to that. This city is full of cycles and the pulling poles of all things in life never seemed so obvious anywhere else I ever lived. Maybe it is not even that? Maybe because of the unique spectrum of the universe… blah blah astrology, Aztecs, tarot, spooky-spooky …yeah.
My witchy people know what I mean.
San Francisco
This city is yin and yang, it is opposing forces repelled from each other with ferocity, on every level I can see. As many poor and homeless there are privileged. As many happy-go-lucky hippies there are the so-so-serious. As many happy there are sad.
I can’t wait to know what it is to be happy.
There is some blessing and in no order that include my mom, my dog Tom; whom I miss greatly. And my bf whom it seems we are connected on some beautiful levels.
Otherwise, I am experiencing a new level of tolerance for stress and distress. Facing a complete loss of income in the coming days I am desperate for a job and really want to get back to working. Even volunteering for stuff feels good.
I hate I am getting older. I hate that everything hurts. I hate that I look older. I feel like a 20 year old inside. My dick doesn’t always agree though. ha ha ha ha.
So – guess I am just ranting and should stop about now. Toodles.