I am wanting to make more posts, but I am struggling with finding time. More so, I struggle to find myself in the life I have right now. I have changed my attitude about a lot of things in my dominate personality anyway, and fight back the others. It’s been a fight, but trying to take care of myself gets hard.
This is about finding time to get all the things done I want to. And the barriers of achieving that, versus the things I want to have out of life. I suppose in those ways I am like my mom, where I think life should not be as hard as it is. If I want, or need something, there should be a way to get it. And there is, but method is everything.
I chose to have a loving relationship with my partner so I have to give up some behaviors and engage in others that keep peace between us and the world. Right? I have been working toward another career, but finding the time to devote myself to it has been another barrier. I have to choose what I put my energy into.
Same with the life I have. I wrote before about how lonely I have been and what it counts for friends in my life. So, I have to devote time to the people who want to spend time with me. My chosen family is getting better and stronger. My biological family has been a total disaster. I crave family and connections, but I have lost touch with a lot of that until recently.
I started looking around to see who was there. My Las Vegas people are still there, roaring in the distance. New friends like Ra and others from my most recent burning man journey. And a lot of women have been really supportive and present. But, I have to say, not many gay men. It’s been a bummer.
So I am starting to focus on the things that I need to matter more and will make comments about that as time proceeds. Change is happening and I am questioning if the things in my life right now are worth keeping. And going to Burning Man is on one of those lists… how is it I feel so lonely every time I go there even if I am surrounded by thousands of people? Well, let’s see what happens.