There was a turn of events that began somewhere around 2016 or 2017 that started changing how and the ways I was interacting and engaging the Burning Man community. I slowly was becoming more and more of an outsider. I have questioned myself if it was my own doing or was I reacting to something else. I got involved in community leadership too fast and took on more responsibility and ownership than I ever needed or should have. That’s on me.
My last posts were around 2015. At least here and not so much on my personal blog.
What I would like to do is fall in love with Burning Man as an event again. Because, right now, the idea of wading into the community at something I did not create gives me such a sense of anxiety it is paralyzing. Covid may have added to that manifest, but it was there before.
What I need to do is feel trust within the Burning Man Organization. So much has happened over the last 14 years. As much as I have tried to be a force for good, some people have put me in a different bucket or just do not see me at all. I have tried to do the good fight with standing up for people who were not being heard, and have not lived up to my own standards; which might have been skewed anyway. I have seen and heard terrible things from them. And I need to learn to let it go and move forward.
I have missed the last 2 years at Black Rock City. I needed a break in 2020 which was planned. But that turned into 2021. And if you saw the things that happened in 2021, then you have to know it looked amazing. Now I am waiting for the aftermath.
- Covid infections?
- LEO blowback
- MOOP recovery… who is cleaning up after this?
But, I just stared at the live cams that were there and was in awe. I nearly backed up the car last week and just left.
My future in this community is still some very soft clay. I am sitting at the wheel waiting to see what life I can make with it. Thank you for reading this if you did…