Singel Again?

Last night had another big fight with C. Not sure what it was about or where it was coming from. BUT, I felt a million miles away from his last night.
I have been thinking about our future again and not staying in the present. Even in the present I wonder why, after 5 months and with the intensity we have been going at, why he has not been able to tell me that he “loves” me.
Why do I want or need to know that this is in his heart when I suspect it is there already. But then again, temptations of the flesh have been on the rise with me and that desire for infidelity is usually a sign for me that things are not going so well sexually.
In fact, we have not had a meaningful sexual experience together in a while. I hate the idea that our relationship is dependent on sex… but if something is wrong in bed that always fucks things up doesn’t it?
There is his drinking which has been a demon in our relationship. My mom was an alcoholic and I might be a little sensitive on that subject. He does not handle his booze well. This is why I firmly believe pills are so much better! (snicker… sarcasm)
Well… anyone if anyone is paying attention. There I am. Venting. My moody whiny ass just venting. I think C and I are basically done… unless we talk and figure out if I am looking for the wrong things out of this.

Posted in Drama - Pass please, Things that haunt me, verbal diahrea.

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