baggage from father

I often feel like my tires are spinning fast and I am getting no where. I have a place in this world somehow and at 47 years old I have not really found out what the fuck it is. If there is one thing I don’t want to be is anything like my father.
It’s my baggage and I grew up with a man who, somewhere around 1973 to 1974, forgot how to be a father. Granted he had his own successes and his own victories in life, but to me he is just the asshole who verbally abused me and kept telling me I was a worthless piece of shit.
Somewhere along the line I believed him. I still have no amounted to much in the scheme of things. All I have is my honor and commitment to being the best person I can be, but I am deeply flawed. Often it seems that fate is against me. I failed people I love.
But I still try being the best I can. I fail from time to time. And I still don;t want to be anything like my father.
p.s. – I don’t know where this came from, because I came here to post something else entirely.

Posted in Things that haunt me and tagged , , , , .

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