After my last posting I got calls from my mom and sis-Christine trying to find out if I was ready to drive off a bridge somewhere. I love their concern, but no one should take anything I write too seriously. I think I mentioned that a few times before.
In the last blog I just felt like there were some things I would have to say to some of the more stable people in my life or were in my life. My ex’s, dead or alive, will never understand the emotional investment I really had in them. It’s the same with some of my friends which is making this move to San Francisco troubling on some level.
- Gene aka Bam Bam called me today because he only just heard I was moving. He’s such an amazing guy and the woman he is with is also an amazing woman.
- John was my best friend for almost 4 years but turned into a douche bag not only to me but to everyone we knew. Not sure what happen there, maybe he is writing his own chapter.
- Freddy is my newest shining light and I just really met him. He and his boyfriend have become good friends and I worry a little about Freddy.
There are so many people I met here and really loved a lot. It is probably more than anywhere I lived before, but I sincerely have to relate that to the Burning Man community connections I made here.
When I left L.A. / Long Beach I left some people behind on that level, too. We stay in touch, but nothing like when it was more geographically preferred. But the thing is, that people like Kaidy, Jeff and Ed are still in my heart though we either don’t talk or barely.
So, there is one thing missing from most people I would call a friend and that is I don’t think most would help me in a pinch. It seems like most “friends” have a universe that ends 2″ past the end of their noses. NOT ALL are like that, but I seem to invite people in my life that are pretty self involved.
Now, I am certainly to blame. I am selfish myself. I want my own time to write and make things and just chill. I am not high maintenance, but at the same time I want a companion pretty bad. Maybe just a friend, better if it were more.
I have been going through a lot of changes in the last couple years and will bring a new outlook to San Francisco.
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.
-the above was posted on Facebook today by a wise man