These Times

…they are a changing. So… I think in recent months (years) my direction on this blog has been to bitch about something. More like vent about something bugging the shit out of me.
Whatever… I am stressing about a lot of things and principle among them is that I am about to be out of money. Work is not coming in fast enough, but I am hoping for a miracle.
Alas, next week I am going to San Francisco for a few days to participate in another Burning Man thing. It is a leadership summit which I can benefit from in life as much as the things I do with Burning Man. It is relevant that I am seriously questioning my ability to continue with Burning Man at all.
I ask myself… where am I going? I am fearing where I will end up. Is Burning Man a vehicle for me or is it the path to my own demise; not Burning Man itself! Burning Man has opened up something inside of me like a window on my heart, but it’s still an empty window.
I can put flowers on the sill, maybe a fresh baked pie, but really it is all set decoration.
On this road I have planted seeds and raised flags. I have shaken hands but some home I managed to burn a lot of bridges. My karma points board is looking very sketchy and I look up… I look to the horizon… I find tears in my eyes and a hand to my heart. That hand looks for a pulse and the eyes cling to hope.
Plan A: Find a job now and start working full time and do everything I can to make it made….
Plan B: Keep trying to the end and if I fail be prepared to deal with the consequences without putting my weight on anyone else.
Plan C: (pending)

Posted in Feeling it, Things that haunt me.

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