just Days away

We are just days away from the big One and I will stand in the shadow of the man in awe. I am no where prepared for the event, but I am hoping that my experience with the regional events and all the veterans will help me manage. It’s 8 days and seven nights in the desert.

The guy that was supposed to go with me has been ejected – yes, I am not going with someone I cannot get along with. He turned out to be someone very destructive and I just can’t have that energy around me for this mission.

It seems I am at a very precarious time right now in my own psyche as I started a journey last year with a completion date set for Burning Man. As I look ahead to that date with new eyes I am deeply worried about that conclusion. I find myself pausing and feeling afraid – of all things.

At the same time I looked around to some of the people I have met connected to Burning Man and found many of them to be the most genuine that I have ever met before. It’s as if they represented what I was hoping to find in the gay community. Genuine and Gay are not synonymous!

Alas, the fear felt is that although the journey has been fulfilling and growth inspiring, is it really for me?

Not long ago I was accused of being a full time burner. Odd because this is my first year and I am labeled a “newbie” and “virgin”. I also have participated pretty heavily in that world – heavily especially for someone new to the scene. And I liked it a lot.

So, as I look into my crystal ball I predict I will go to Burning Man: Evolution and be overwhelmed. I will participate and dip into everything I can while there. I will come back hopefully more enlightened and with a better outlook on the world.

I feel like I am currently at the core of a snow ball and all the things I have idealized will have a new perspective. How does Burning Man have that affect? It’s not just BM. It’s not one thing. It is all together; the journey itself, the people I have met in and out of the BM community, the social experimentation, and some changes I have been forced to come to terms with in life.

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One Comment

  1. i too will stand in the shadow of the man in awe. for the first time. i have been wanting to come to burning man for years now, this year i finally can. i am coming from canada and i have spent a zillion hours already trying to learn everything i can so to avoid any curveballs! personally i think the only real preparation you can get down is the survival stuff, how not to die in the desert! haha as long as your stay is healthy, safe and comfortable, the rest will reveal itself only to you as you go.

    like you, i kind of have hopes that some kind of enlightenment will dawn on me about my life or my direction in it, etc., perhaps some deep spiritual awakening or something, but i think the best way i can allow anything that magical to happen is to not put any expectations at all on it, to just go with an open mind and heart and allow it unfold however it does.

    regarding your journey, do not be "deeply worried about its conclusion"; as amazing as i hope/feel/believe it will be, do not forget that burning man is not actually the conclusion of your journey, it is merely a part of it. and it will be an AMAZING part of it.

    no wonder you are pausing and feeling afraid, i think you are afraid you will not find what you're looking for. what you have been anticipating all year. i suggest you do not know WHAT exactly you are looking for, however … because i feel the exact same way 🙂

    expectations lead to disappointment. and how can you know what to expect? even seasoned burners are at a loss to really sum it up in words or pictures.

    i believe if you just relax and let go of any expectations, whatever it is you are seeking will surely find you.

    there's no way we won't meet lots of interesting people, have some hilarious stories to recount for the rest of our lives, chalk it up as a major life adventure. and hopefully, we will be positively blown away, dumbfounded, speechless, and forever changed. EVOLVED.

    4475329 seconds

    That's 1 month,
    20 days,
    19 hours,
    8 minutes and
    49 seconds until the Man burns!

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