We are just days away from the big One and I will stand in the shadow of the man in awe. I am no where prepared for the event, but I am hoping that my experience with the regional events and all the veterans will help me manage. It’s 8 days and seven nights in the desert.
The guy that was supposed to go with me has been ejected – yes, I am not going with someone I cannot get along with. He turned out to be someone very destructive and I just can’t have that energy around me for this mission.
It seems I am at a very precarious time right now in my own psyche as I started a journey last year with a completion date set for Burning Man. As I look ahead to that date with new eyes I am deeply worried about that conclusion. I find myself pausing and feeling afraid – of all things.
At the same time I looked around to some of the people I have met connected to Burning Man and found many of them to be the most genuine that I have ever met before. It’s as if they represented what I was hoping to find in the gay community. Genuine and Gay are not synonymous!
Alas, the fear felt is that although the journey has been fulfilling and growth inspiring, is it really for me?
Not long ago I was accused of being a full time burner. Odd because this is my first year and I am labeled a “newbie” and “virgin”. I also have participated pretty heavily in that world – heavily especially for someone new to the scene. And I liked it a lot.
So, as I look into my crystal ball I predict I will go to Burning Man: Evolution and be overwhelmed. I will participate and dip into everything I can while there. I will come back hopefully more enlightened and with a better outlook on the world.
I feel like I am currently at the core of a snow ball and all the things I have idealized will have a new perspective. How does Burning Man have that affect? It’s not just BM. It’s not one thing. It is all together; the journey itself, the people I have met in and out of the BM community, the social experimentation, and some changes I have been forced to come to terms with in life.