Tonight I had an interesting evening with a local nude yoga group I enjoy. A guy was there I met once before, named Shawn, whom I had also spoke to on the phone on a separate occasion.

The core of these classes seem to have Burners attached to them and they seem like a slightly different flavor than the Burners I hand with in the desert. David – who runs the yoga class – is a 6 year burner. Shawn is also a burner going back in time.

When I first me Shawn (a yogi) the first time I was attracted to an energy he emulated and I talked to him. He was reasonably polite but I felt blown off. It’s baggage on my self esteem and wasted energy, but none the less a person feels – ya know.

Well, I talked to him on the phone once not-knowing we had met before and man – this guy had awesome energy. I felt charged just having talked to him.

Meeting him tonight, talking in the low lights before class, he had that spark that energizes people around him. But then whammo! I saw this tattoo on his back and recognized him right away from the brushoff at the gym. That baggage came flying back in the door like a giant airbag.

Talking afterward, I found him to be a warm guy. I like people that radiate that energy, but when yo catch a glimpse of something darker in that light it’s just kinda sad. Baggage! Put the bags away… ha ha ha

This adds light to issues I have trying to connect to other people. From Minnie to Indigo to Captain Bill – Davis and Shawn – people with bright lights that can – CAN – CAN bring brilliant healing energy and often do.

Shallow or cold, I wanted to know this guy. Maybe we are all shallow to some degree. Hell, I like a certain type as well. The soul has the power of shining a bright light and even a fat bastard like me can hopefully share in that good energy.

I’m toxic. I’m dark. I feel like a black hole and trying to break away from that feels so tiring. My journey began a while back about the time I got back from Portland and a year after that I started looking at the world differently. Still am. My journey took a pause this week and now I am rethinking some of the path taken.

I want to walk with Journey with someone cool and a lot of times I really miss my ex, but he is on his own journey. I put a lot of energy into people who simply do not deserve that love. And others who just blow it off (this is not about Shawn).

Funny how fast people you care about spit back in my face the chewed up spew of love and trust I gave them. It’s only condition applied is …’please treat me with respect back’.

I’m guilty of stupid shit too! I’ve been an asshole more times than I can count. But generally I say I am a good guy. I hope someone values my energy.

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