Last night Adolfo had some words for me regarding our house-mate. aka the squatter… aka the platipus…. aka Sam.

I made a written agreement with Sam the day he arrived specifying some ‘expectations’ to the conditions of his stay because he needs to really be on track toward getting a job and getting his life in order. Meanwhile you have to consider that for the better of the last four years he has been homebound and helping to take care of his neices; not to mention hopped-up on drugs and living like a minor league vampire. Nanny care with a Meth-Pipe… it is a modern world, huh?

Well, his life was coming to a cross roads and he finally got away from his guy Dan he was involved with that was poison… so I opened the door for him to come stay with me in LV and try building a new path for himself.

This page of the story began last October when he came and stayed for 2 or 3 months and accomplished nothing. I bought him a ticket home and off he went with a mission to recoved his personal computer and settle some issues. But, his departue left me feeling very sour about our relationship. Here I bought him this ticket, spend $ to go get him in L.A. in the first place, fed him and housed him for a long time, and not even a thank you out of it.

I have to say we did have a conversation that touched me in the first visit that galvanized my wilingness to support him in his mission to change his life. Yet the departure and conversations since have made me wonder ‘how big of a sucker am I?’????

The fore mentioned agreement has been broken on every level so far. When I confronted Sam about the issues UP TO that point I ended up feeling like that bad guy. Sam can talk. Sam can deliver the emotion and the tragedy of his life right on queue. It almost comes across as too contrived because it goes from 0 to 100 in seconds. He can be quite the cameleon.

Which begs the question, ‘Am I being conned?’ Is it alright that I can question a friend’s commitment to the “mission” and to find out if I am being suckered into supporting someone whose intentions are really being masked with a deluded sense of ‘deserving’? I’m at a loss of words sometimes….

In the agreeement I laid out a lot including giving Sam 60 days to pull it together. I sat him down at the table and went over it in detail expressing limits and tolerences for his stay. Yet, the 60 days was clearly expressed. This was the beginning of January, so as you can see we are half-way through the process so I talked to him again this morning.

In the last 30 days he has broken the agreement in several ways:

  • Do not download any software onto my PC without my approval // Well, that did not work.
  • Do not hook up your PC to my network (in house) until I say because I need the PC for school work // again, he did it anyway. Now, my PC is completely dead. It may have been that that power supply died like he said, but odly enough it stopped working while he was using it. I just finished doing a bunch of mainteneace on it and had it wokring as well as it could (old old machine) – asn any Micron PC could run.
  • DO not bring strangers into the house // well, that was a new low. On adolfo’s day off (while he was out shopping) Sam brought someone in and was fornicating. Adolfo came home and well they were in the bedroom, I came home later and now we had a full apartment! Sam wanders out with some story of how this guy is a part of his Theology Group on-line. Well, my Theory is he picked this clown up on Craig’s List for a quick fuck. AND!!!! This guy worked at the Wynn where Adolfo works and he recognized him.

Well, Sam and I had an argument after I found out that MY PC was dead and I ended up feeling like the bad guy in the end. Adolfo told me that he really lost respect for me during that conversation (that he wittnessed) because of the way I caved. I was so mad at Sam and he pushed back at me so hard that I was ready to throw him out that night. Along came the tears and the words how I was the only person he could trust anymore… I am a sucker.

In the past, I have made a lot fo bad cedisions. You might never believe this, but I can be incredibly naive. I also believe I have a bullshit detector that is very accurate, but a conviction that has been shaken a couple of times that really knockes the legs out from under it.

A month into this process Sam has had 1 interview at my job and little else. He smokes like crazy and hangs out like a vampire. Although I duscssed all these things with him this morning, I am still left wondering what to do.

I told Sam today he had to be out by the end of the month one way or another. He has to show a greater commitment to finding a job. Although Adolfo has been somewhat unreasonable on occasion, he is also right and whatever is going on this HIS intuition I have to pay attention to as well.

“Bro’s Before Ho’s”…. ha ha ha … well, I always said I would support a FRIEND before anything a boyfriend had to say, because one always lasts longer than the other. I have 6 years with Adolfo under my belt. I have known Sam for 8 or 9 years. My trust is all of this is shaken and I am seriously over stressed about all of it. It’s got to change.

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