happy birthday to me

Today is my birthday and so far this year is turning out to be one of change. The things I am used to seem different and I feel it inside as well as out. I have been joking around saying that I am turning 36 because the idea of turning 42 is giving me chest pains. Age is not my freind.

The plusses of it all: Adolfo and I seems tobe doing better and better but that is not without its sacrifices; not all that bad though. Too intimate even for the diary… sufice tosay it’s all normal stuff that happens as a relationship progresses.

ANYWAY… now school is starting again in just over a week and I have been a victim of a really bad haircut yesterday!!! I decided I was going to get a new, edgier look, and went to the barber I have been going to for a while. Well, we were talking so much he was not paying attention and literally shaved the wrong part down to nothing and left me with stubble….. oh hell. So, I said buzz the best thinking I would get something more “military” looking than what I wanted; but I got death-camp survivor hair cut. Ugh!

The camera is no where tobe found right now so you’ll have to wait for a piccy.

One of my regrets for the year is how far freinds of mine have drifted. My schedule with school has out greater space between me and people. On the other hand there are people I have been holding on to in my heart that seem to have forgotten me and I feel a great sadness in myheart for it.

When I chose a person as my FRIEND (there is a special sereies of definitions for this word to me), that person is literally carved into my heart. Mikey, Ed, Woody… the tops of the chart who are living (some passed on) who are living their lives and have apparently moved on and forgot me.

There is a class of friends who came into my life and had that status in my heart, but I feel betrayed by them. A lot of my freinds have betrayed my trust and love and I feel pain in my heart each time I think of them; but no names on this list.

I have some freinds that are freinds, but nothing close. They aren’t people I have attached myself very strongly to though I really like them, they have not grafted themselves into my heart.

other freinds are more aquaintences than anything else, but I still enjoy spending time with them.

How does all this fit together? Why am I thinking about this so much? Well, I am thinking it is time to let go of some and move forward with others. Odd that some of the people I value most are seriously geographically distanced…. if that works it’s because of minimal expectations (???) or something like that.

Chippy called me with my Christmas gift. He told me from the heart that he valued my freindship and I really felt very good about that… it was one of the best gifts. He mayhave been drunk? …but it was still very nice.

Another long babbling entry. Thanks for reading if anyone still is????


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