This week someone says to me: You do not look or act your age. In more ways than not I can look into that and see a compliment. I feel like a kid sometimes, but other times I feel like a tired old man.

I already ranted endlessly over my weight issues. But, I am certain that has something to do with it as well. The way I feel is also dependent on how I have worked out, if I have worked out, and how much sleep have I gotten.

Although I am carrying 40 new pounds on my body I often feel like a skinny person… lord knows I forget that when I shop for clothes sometimes because I am looking at some of these styles and realize how deluded I am.

If I looked 25% as good as some of these mannequins do in those clothes I would be seriously rockin’… some of these places know how to sell to us; the eternally deluded.

My concern about this label of “immaturity” … I feel like it is a problem on occasion from myself looking in. I have already written about acting very spoiled and bitchy on occasion. At work at my JOB (dirty word) I feel frustrated with people on occasion and that immaturity comes out.

I can be very focused, but I have not been for a while now. I wonder what I have traded in for what I want and where I am going? Adolfo deserves a lot of good credit for taking care of me and keeping my feet on the ground, but I think it is in my nature to be more impulsive and flighty (flaky, whatever) though more reliable in my work.

Interesting that this diary entry has inspired me to consider some changes soon. I will start changing my world in February… keep posted.

I analyze myself too much… so I will stop at this point.

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