This will hopefully be my final post following up my journey to Burning Man 2022. I left the burn early because I was not doing well physically or mentally. I did not take great care of myself and I am too stubborn to let others help me, unless they do. Radical self reliance is not always a healthy perspective (it is one of our community founding principles).
Physically I may have ended up causing serious harm to my feet and legs. It started with my job, being on my feet all the time, and was exacerbated by shitty shoes, stubbornness, and commitment to doing things I promised even though it was killing me. Good news, I lost some weight while out there…but not nearly enough to make it matter. Now the goal is to be focused on my health and what I can do to be better at that.
Mentally – no one can deny that being in the desert in those circumstances is not stressful. The heat, the exhaustion, and then the crazy shit we do can tear a person down. This is a good thing, but bring the boards you need to build a foundation that can help lift you up when you are broken. Sleep, nutrition, medications… all those things! I tried and did not do as great as I thought.
By Friday, I was seeing my mortality. By the time I decided to leave, I was certain that it would not take much to break me beyond repair. I seriously kept thinking (obsessing) over a friend of a friend who ended his own life fearing I would want to do the same. But, the idea of leaving any pain in the wake of my passing is/was more than I could bare.
Leave this world better than when you came in to it. Leave people with good memories. Some of those people will never be happy, but leave on the best terms you can… my brain-song.