I often see very positive energy coming my way and while I see it, energy does not always become matter. I wish there was more of a manifestation of something of that energy… or how that energy can drive me forward into more internal passion.
My passions are often generating energy that do not always land in a way that makes my journey stronger. I do a lot of things. I try and give a lot of myself. I try to expect nothing in return. Somehow, I feel like it is making me some karma coins yet something my mom told me once still seems to be a curse that floats over me: “If it weren’t for bad luck you would not have any luck at all”.
That statement was not a dig against me. It was not a negative dumped over my head. It was an inescapable truth in my life seeking to become more in my life. What sucks is I never really seem to be able to find the rung in life to get me beyond broke and drifting.
I think I am still looking for someone to be a mentor. It is something my dad never was. He, if anything, had a goal of hallowing me out with abusive context. I can count one occasion where he helped me in a place where I felt stronger inside.
I joined the military early on and spent 6 years doing something I loved. But, for stupid reasons, I bailed on that because I was looking at the green grass in the neighbors year. I let someone else talk me out of something good and frankly I have had to relive that regret over and over to this day. Not just the refret of leaving the Air Force like I did, but it seems I was destined to relive the scenario over and over.
It might have been over a relationship, job, decision to do something usually ending up with me making the wrong choice.
My step dad told CMonster once: “Scott will do what Scott wants to do…” which might sound stubborn. But more times than I could count I made a decision based on someone else’s logic I ended up regretting it. If it was a decision based on my own bad choice then it was a lot easier to live with.
I know who I am: Soldier, Loyalist, Community Activist, Human.
I know what I do best in the right circumstances: Love, Lead, Create … in my humble opinion.
Monthly Archives: November 2014
Portland no more… East Bay?
The last week has been an upheaval in a way. A lot has happened and I am stuck in my own thoughts once again. That is like putting your feet in cement and is rarely helpful because searching the present for a solution takes ones eyes off the future and… well the hidden blessing… off the past as well.
Cooking for the Masses
Last week I was very busy getting ready for and executing a meal at the Groundswell space near Boonville. I planned for 120 people and saw close to 100 in the end although it was hard to get a solid count at any point. It was still such an amazing weekend. I got a little play time. I was in charge of the kitchen, but occasionally I had strong people who could take over and operate without supervision. PLUS… CMonster yanked me out of the kitchen for a hike on Sunday.
My Cooking Site – My On-Line Resume
In an effort to prepare for my next life-step-journey thing… I updated my resume site www.PastrySt8.com and www.FlavorSt8.com (pushing them to the same location). I consolidated the sites since my cooking career is somewhat parallel and my pastry future is so limited.
Life Journey Surprises
CMonster wearing the mask I made for him for the masquerade.
When we got back, CMonster had an email congratulating him on being accepted to school. This is something he had been working on for months. The only issue, it was here in San Francisco. Not Portland. He starts school in 10 months and moving to Portland seems moot. It’s very disappointing, but at the same time it provides a rung on the ladder to reach for. I can choose a direction instead of waiting for the next domino to fall.
Now, I have to get out of his house and find a place in the Bay Area where we can exist together. Where we can have a home and where we can live as long as we need to. Moving to Portland is probably not an option now, but there is always time.
And… I decided to go on a diet… so I will start sharing that adventure here. I am doing something that is a little more hardcore than what is typically healthy, but I am sick of carrying this weight and sick of all the crappy food eating. And, back off the meat again for a while. Ugh, my guts have to look just awful.