diarrhea of the brain

Do you want to explore new horizons, dear Capricorn? If you’re keen to plan a trip, you must first decide where and with whom you’ll go. Or, you might find that you want to adopt a new hobby or recreational activity. You could take up a new musical instrument, perhaps, or learn a new sport. You’re full of ideas and plans today, but it may be hard for you to flesh them out. Try to choose a single direction and follow through on it!

I am thinking about driving up to Seattle for a day with Tom. I want to drop in on a few people I know up there. Chef Hoffmeister is up there, another guy I know, and another guy in Olympia. Just people I want to see.

One of them tried giving me advice last night on the phone. He says I should just cut off people like my mom and others who are making these demands on me. I’m thinking… “it’s my mom!” Well, he cut off his family and now feels like its what everyone else should do. I can’t wrap my head around that.

Gary posted a note in the previous entry (see comments) where he said I was over thinking everything. My God, all I can do is think about this stuff. I am officially overwhelmed and am drowning. Sinking…

Between all the words I am reeling and feel like I need to pull back – from everything. I want to be around friends, but I swear I am starting to seriously wonder what the hell that means. I have absolutely no one I can rely on.

It feels like NEARLY everyone has an agenda. Gary and Chippy all live far off and neither has ever had a hidden agenda with me. But they all live thousands of miles away. Deb has been herself and certainly there are other people, too. Kiady too… oh hell.

shit…. diarrhea

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