So, I am at the gym today and there is this guy that I think will pretty much make a move on anyone or anything. He is a latino guy, about mid-forties or so, and was probably quite good looking once. Now, he looks a little pathetic and desperate. I thought to myself, this guy is “damaged goods”. Then I paused… I thought that his build really was not THAT far from my own. I gained some weight, I lost some of my finer looks, I am a daisy that has wilted a bit from loss of the sun.

So, I then asked myself… Do I judge and despise in others what I see in myself? Is this perception of him merely a mirror shining back to me?

I know, it’s a little over thought out. But, really I have to ask myself and wonder WHY I have not lost the 30 pounds. I know I can be a considerably good-looking guy. I’m not messaging my ID or anything (look it up if confused).

I hate being overweight. When Brian came to L.A. and visited me I remember the look on his face when he saw me for the first time in more than a year since I left Boston. I was 20#’s heavier and he was shocked. I have been bitching, moaning, groaning, and moping over this for too long.

Well, let’s see if something happens. It is a time for change…

Seattle is getting closer and I keep second guessing myself. I am panicking. I am freaking out. I am shaking inside. I am braver than this!!!!!

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