Fucking March is here already. I swear February went by way too fast! I feel a little dizzy from it all going by so fast, ya know. I haope everyone saw the birthday pics from Adolfo’s birthday as well as the old Christmas pics I posted. I am sutre mom is less than thrilled with me over it. Considering she was dead tired when she was when they were taklen, but wasn’t Tom cute????

School has been good as well. I got most of my grades from mid terms and have B’s and A’s. This is a good sign, but things are changing and I still need money to get through it all. This quarter will be over in less than a month and we have only a 1 week break in the meantime. Usually there is 2 or 3 weeks off, but not this time.

Good news is that I have been hired into a new job. I got the news 2 days ago when I went to interview. I have once again found the ideal job! I have been hired as a line cook at the Grand Lux Cafe which is one of the biggest restarant in Las Vegas. I am in a distinguished position and will probably bve starting at the grill. Grand Lux is a higher end Cheesecake factory. The company is owned by them, but their menu and entre are distinctly different. So, yippeee for me!

As for Adolfo and I… I have been thinking too much and do not how or if I shold be tunring it off. There are times when we are so warm and loving toeach other, but there is an equal amount of time where we are in different worlds and space. I donot know if that is normal. I ask myself and you if I am deluded? I see couples that seem okay whenever I see them together. I know there is always more going on behind the scenes than what is visible on the surface! I am sure of that.

When I look into the future I do not see Adolfo with me. I see myself leaving him eventually and the demands of my life these days will probably be the linching pin that will divide us further. I fear that Adolfo and I will drift further apart. Him, because of his independance and willfulness. Me, because of my independance and focus on perosnal success.

Both of us have serious financial issues and neither are getting the attention we promised each other. I told myself that I would focus on getting all of my act together … in the area of personal finance and business while we were together. Instead, I feel like I am putting so much on the back burner and am not doing things in my life I consider important in order to keep this relationship alive.

I also feel like a sloth. I am not working out. I am not in shape. My weight is the highest it has ever been in my life. I need to get back on a track of self care, but I am not doing that. When I try and be a little more selfish and work on myself… I feel like I am ignoring Adolfo.

This is a paradox, huh????

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